::CoLouRs oF Me::

2009-09-17T11:39:00.004+08:00

I finally found another place to start anew..well sorta :)

If you are still around, i'll see you there.

2009-08-04T04:49:00.003+08:00

Ouh hello! (not even sure if anyone is reading this space anymore?)

Had lots of stories to share but due to the lazy bug or pure exhaustion the stories never made it here. Hehe.

All is well with me, with some 'life can be a pain in the ass sometimes'. I guess I am living life!

What's so cool about last month? The fact that I turned 25 (but still think I am 18) and the day when dark knight said his first 'i love you' to me. It took him 1 year to finally confess he is falling in love with me. Not that we havnt been but dark knight never believed words speaks louder than actions.

It was beautiful like hell I was twirling round and round, jumping up and down, too speechless and breathless, i kept on asking 'are you serious?' while he was on the other line. He saved those for a special day and I am forever sold!

I have never dared to say it before but what's for sure, I love this man and looking forward to more iloveyous with you.

I still find it hard to believe sometimes after going through almost 4 years of singlehood I finally found love. I thought I never will but let's just say I always keep my hopes afloat and count my blessings :). To finally able to say those words again to someone means a lot to me and this time around I hope it would be forever with him(as corny & mushy as it may sound to you. heh). I'm done looking and pinning away for love. Now that love has found me I hope it will never stray :)

On a separate thought, I am looking into moving my journal to a new place. I just might, it has been what 5 years here? Lots of tales so maybe a new place for a new chapter would be just what I need and thus will motivate me to indulge in some frequent story telling like how I used to do.

So if I do, I'll let you guys know ;)

2009-07-03T12:42:00.002+08:00

With all the chaos of moving to the new office, while working on running programs at the same time things have been more hectic then usual.

But I am looking forward to one more week! The one thing or should I say 2 things which makes my life look less hellish as it is will be dark knight and I will be turning One!! And I am overjoyed!! Plus oh yes, I am turning a year older... so Oh Joy!

2009-06-03T09:58:00.000+08:00

I don't why but I am very addicted to holding dark knight's hand.
I am thinking it would prolly be the instant goodness tingling sensation I feel the moment our fingers are locked. And nothing else matters.

It would be another week before I see you again and that suck. The chore of missing you terribly is horrendous and devastating...

2009-05-31T13:02:00.001+08:00

Lately, I have become a little bit jaded with my job. Don't get me wrong I still love this field I am in but there is that gnawing hunger in me to look for other challenges in other places.

Is it about time?

Having said that, it doesn't help at all when photos (in Facebook of course, my encyclopedia for friends) of a couple of my former classmates was seen gallivanting around joyfully on production okay okay not gallivanting they were working on set. They are now based in LA, mother fuckin HOLLYWOOD!! Life is unfair!

*Compose herself* ok ok life is good life is good.

....

Bloody hell who am I kidding, life is not so good at times especially when you see friends like that are living your dream.

Ok but I heart my family, friends and boyfriend that is as good as life can get.

2009-05-30T12:58:00.004+08:00

I seriously think Leonardo Da Vinci was one hell of a busy man!

You guys should really go and see his exhibition at Science Centre, runs till 16th August if I am not mistaken.

If you are secretly in love with the history of the Renaissance era (like I do), you don't want to miss this.

2009-05-19T02:06:00.002+08:00

Hey all!

Guess what, there is an odd addition in the house lately. Something totally unexpected, something the whole family didn't think that we would need.

We actually have a piano in our home right now! Pretty amazing actually because none of us know how to play that thing except of course for the musician daddy who does play a few notes here and there. For the rest of us, we are just fine admiring that thing which fitted nicely in our home and made it look somehow cosy!

Now I have this crazy idea of learning how to play that thing! Why not? It's not really too late isn't it?

Ok so ...You guys can read my thought bubble! Yes I was feeling feeling Alicia Keys and Lady Gaga lah! Just a thought, it's nice if I can play a tune rather then having to simply admire that beautiful thing.

Oh! How did it got here you say? Well, it's former owner was my cousin's (and yes she does play in fact she teaches piano lessons too) who had two piano and decided to give one away (for free). So my mama adopted it not because it's practical for the way it function but practical in Martha Stewart kinda way,bleargh!

*Psst Orang kata kalau rumah ada piano, family orang kaya tau! Hehe yeah the nerve I tell you! The things people say!

2009-05-06T02:04:00.005+08:00

I bought these heels thinking Carrie Bradshaw and Rebecca Bloomwood would be so proud of me.

But the literal definition of Killer Heels existed for a reason. In this case it is a Killer Heel in every sense of the word. As much as I adore these heels, I know it's the kind of heels I should just wear to go visiting or something like that then take it off, wear it again and take it off again once I am back behind the wheels.

Only the boyfriend knows I was clinging to oh-dear-life (okay more like grasping on to him) after just 3 hours in this bloody heels.

And If I can digress a little bit here,

I swear If I have a voice like that I would sing this for you. This one is on repeat mode in as much as my current state of mind. You are my saving grace :)

'Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away'

2009-04-20T02:27:00.001+08:00

My Sunday could have turned out almost perfect but instead it was like living a nightmare. I am still traumatized by the encounter today. No one wants to go through what I did today and I am just so numb by all of it.

What I dread most is to face Monday and pretend Sunday never happened. If only I can stop the flashbacks...

Despite the terrifying incident, dark knight came to the rescue and gave me the comfort I sort for later in the evening. Our date was planned differently initially but I guess it doesn't matter as long as we get to meet and spent our time together. It had been 2 weeks since we met anyway. I didn't expect I would miss him this much. A sudden revelation hit me when he walked me home, I was enjoying the walk too much and noted there and then I am falling for this man.

And that was the exact thing I told him moments earlier before I started off this entry. We rarely spoke matters of the heart but when we do, god i swear i turned into a super giggly teenager all over again. But saying it felt so good and the instant warmth which enveloped me afterwards make me feel all dizzy and light-headed.

I pretty much sound like a woman who is in love with her boyfriend more then she ever realized but this honestly does not erase the horrible incident i had today. It is just too painful to share :(

2009-04-07T18:03:00.002+08:00

What feels good these days?

I have since picked up reading again and it sure feels really darn good to complete reading a book. Friends close to me knows how much I love reading but ever since I started working reading had been a forgotten hobby.

The comfort of indulging myself to a few good books recently is like visiting an old friend :)

On another note, I'm leaving for Saigon this thursday am. A trip which I almost forgotten was planned amidst all the crazy schedules.

Wasn't excited before but now can't wait to be out of the country! I think we all need it once in a while :)

Hope you guys have super duper fun long weekend!

2009-04-02T17:40:00.002+08:00

To all of you chocoholics out there, if you have the sudden urge for a sweet rush of endorphins.
I recommend you Iced Chocolate from McCafe!

I swear to you it is the best I ever tasted so far! It instantly perks me up with just a sip of the cocoa drink. You would love yourself more for indulging on such a nice treat.

Thought I share this bit with you guys and oh! it is also economic-crisis friendly as in easy on your pockets heh. $3.95 for regular and $4.95 for large not so bad it think compared to other designer coffee houses are selling.

2009-03-14T18:21:00.004+08:00

It had been a miraculous week. And I love how well everything turned out (except maybe I am abit sore that Jason Mraz didn't stop by and visit me heh).
The meet ups with old friends does wonders! A couple of reunions this week alone, not too much aye?

And you might not be the only one who noticed I have been updating less frequently.
I am sorry I didnt know that Life is a tough cookie indeed, though there should be no apologising required since it's my life. Of course there were certain stories I couldn't wait to share it here but unfortunately playing an adult is no easy feat.

I have to admit that being in a relationship with a wonderful man does play a part. I used to spend a lot of time pouring every single bits of my life in this page the last few years and this include the yearning of meeting someone incredible and fall head over heels for each other. Sigh, yes when you fall you have to fall head over heels for each other not head over heels for him, I learnt it the hard way ;)

Now that I have found him, it's the natural upgrade of having my time pre occupied with him. Although I was itching at times to write how life is so beautiful with him around, I cringed at the thought of what the small group of people who come by here to read would think and find this blogger so besotted with her boyfriend who couldn't find anything to blog about except gushing how amazing her relationship is. But then again, that is the truth. Right now I am helplessly besotted with my boyfriend.

Rest assured we are not perfect, we do have our unpretty moments too :)

It is a remarkable change. But no there is no hint of closing down this page yet because I am not done with pouring my heart out :), I will come by as and when I can. I would love to update more often if I can find the time! And I will try to tell myself the next time I post up an entry I have to stop gushing how great dark knight is, hehe trust me that is the last thing he wants all of you to believe.

See ya!

2009-02-23T20:02:00.004+08:00

It was a case of a bad week. So to cure the heaving heart, I resort to retail theraphy.

Quite a damage to the bank account because I spent 3 days straight when I was suppose to save and spend on an outfit for this Friday's big event. As dark knight put it to words, I lost my focus and one of my impulse purchase was this hat from forever 21.

There is a fun story to this by the way..

I like it the first time I saw it, tried it and swear to myself I will get it the next time. I think all women will agree once you cant stop thinking about it the whole night you need to have it! So work ended around 9.50pm the next day. There is no hope that the shop at forever 21 Vivocity might still be opened by the I reached, but I was so persistent that I told myself if the shop was closed I will buy the macarons from Bakerzinn as a consolation. The moment of truth was unbelievable when I saw the shop was still opened when the rest of the shops there were already doing their closing. I said to myself it was meant to be for me to get the hat! Truly amazing race, sped all the way at the same time I still managed to make a pitstop to fetch the dark knight. But left him at the carpark telling him to take his time to walk while me and my friend from work made a mad dash!

Phew! It was worth it I know. The beautiful thing about this story was to trust your gut when it comes to shopping! I trust mine and gambled my way over althought the the probability of 99.95% of the shop might be closed and the bonus part was I still got my macarons. The problem now is I have no idea when I will wear the hat ;)

Ahh.. no no I assure you it was not an impulsive purchase, I am adamant to believe it was fate. And I blame it on that peacock feather for that quirky factor heh.

2009-02-15T11:09:00.002+08:00

My Valentine's day this year painted a different picture from what it used to be for the past years. Don't get me wrong I don't condone V'day nor do I condemn it.

I have always believed that it is 'the' day whereby we girls have excuses to receive flowers and get that extra attention from the guys. Forget about how V'day is so tacky and overrated or how we are not suppose to practice this. So what if this celebration is so commercialized? To me it doesn't get any better when I was out yesterday and I have never seen so many couples in love and pretty much oblivious to their surroundings. It was a lovely sight to behold especially for someone like me who likes basking in such splendid atmosphere. I confess I am such an idealist person when it comes to LOVE. I swear I could smell that Love was in the air!

As for me, the boyfriend have his opposite views on Valentine's day. He can go on and on how this was all business marketing strategy and exploiting on capitalism with 6 folds of profit. Yes that was how much he detest the celebration. Bottom line he was an 'asshole' boyfriend as the man himself put it verbally. So nope I didn't get any flowers, I gave him a hard time everytime we saw a couple walk by proudly as the girl hold out her bouquet.

We spent our Saturday by watching a satisfying movie 'Slumdog Millionaire'. An excellent movie a mix mash of hardcore and a nice balance of romance to it. A compromising movie for both of us because he digs the harsh part while I go 'aww' on the emotional angle of the plot. Very apt on a V'day on the romance bit part of the movie that is. We then went gift shopping a fruitful search but he still couldn't understand why women cannot plan their shopping details. Heh and to which I answered where is all the fun when you plan your shopping? Ended the night by going to Surizah's sister wedding. It was his first time meeting Surizah and I am happy they got along well, too well actually!

It was such a drag to finally head home, but I saved the good part of the day for the last part of this entry. Okay, so my boyfriend wasn't into valentine's day and all but it doesn't mean I didn't get anything from him. Coincidentally, after knowing each other over a year yesterday was our 8th monthsary together.

My boyfriend who was not into celebrating monthly anniversary, surprise me when he pulled out a "no-effort-in-wrapping-a-box-but-it's-what-matters-inside" from his jacket! He knew I would shrieked in contentment. I told him the night before I got him a little something to which he said he didn't get me anything at all.

The most beautiful thing about our token of gifts exchange was we got each other a practical item. The items was in a couple of our everyday conversation. We didn't ask each other for it though. I got him a 2009 planner, a cool one at it. The kind the moment I saw it, i knew it was meant for him. Wrapped it up in a black pvc pillow box and just to add that extra playfulness I made sure the ribbon was a hot pink. Hehe. While I received a wallet from him, a smart choice indeed. A sleek black wallet but with a purple interior which uncannily matches my current mobile phone samsung F480.

Gifts aside, I have to give credit to the boyfriend for saying this;

'I rather give you a seed then flowers anytime, the beauty of seeing a seed grow brings more meaning. And I would surprise you with flowers but just not today when you have this many couples who strut with their bouquets it doesn't make you any special then I would want you to be. You will get your flowers but not today.'

To which I retorted back 'Just make sure it's not all roses. I have high expectation for flowers, consider yourself lucky that your girlfriend is honest about how much she loves flowers instead of being in denial and saying flowers is not my thing but actually let me share with you a secret all girls love receiving flowers you know.'

See sometimes he amazes me with his words which was rare by the way. Honestly, I wasn't exactly pinning for a bouquet of flowers or chocolates because I know he wouldn't do it out of necessary unless he wants too. All I wanted was to spend my day with him. Full stop. He made a difference when he willingly took his leave from work solely to accompany me to a wedding which he was not able to attend with me today.

I am on cloud 9, I tell you. This guy will go against anything romantic but he is by far the most romantic man I know. I am shaking my head as I type this you know. This man contradicts himself and appears all manly. And I can bet with you he doesn't realize this :)

And If I could pick my soundtrack of the day yesterday it would be this song

"How glad the many millions
Of Timothys and Williams
Would be to capture me

But you had such persistence
You wore down my resistance
I fell
And it was swell"

A beautiful scene from one of my favourite movies "Definitely Maybe", I wanted to embed the video but I can only link the URL. Hope you enjoyed the song :)

Toodles! hope you guys get the same lovin as I did yesterday!

2009-02-12T10:10:00.002+08:00

I am feeling lost then ever and there is a lot of fixing to do...

But I don't even know where to start.

2009-02-07T13:41:00.002+08:00

Received a phonecall in the midst of a hectic day, caller asked a question and it took me just 45 seconds to say 'Yes, sure!'.

Now, latest update the tickets have been purchased and I cant wait for April! A spontaneous decision made, even the parental units are not aware about it yet heh.

But of all trips plan for 2009, I cannot wait for the one in July! Shall shelf the excitement for this one and wait till June comes I guess so I dont feel the excruciating task pinning for July to come sooner :)

2009-01-28T13:46:00.000+08:00

This is one photo which made look like a complete 'ugly betty'. I am usually uncomfortable to publish photos that do not make me look good.

But I am sharing this one here because...

It reeks of an excessive amount of jubilant, only he manage to make feel this ease about loving myself for who I am, no matter how I look at anytime of the day. Especially after a long day..

*And yes I have fangs, at this angle it looks horrendous. Tell me about it

"I’ve kissed a guy... I’ve kissed guys. I just haven’t felt that thing.... That thing... that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry, ‘cause you feel so lucky that you’ve found it, and so scared that it’ll go away all at the same time."
Drew Barrymore; from the movie "Never Been Kissed"

2009-01-01T17:27:00.004+08:00

Another spanking new year to live for aye? Happy 2009 to all of you!

How's your first day of the year been today?

Mine has been sluggish for some reason I can't fathom. I am spoilt to blame it on the blocked nose and cough which refused to go away or the hangover from yesterday not that I consume any alcoholic beverages.

Let's see where do i begin?

Maybe let's do a bit of the habitual entry of reflecting back my 2008 (just like how everyone in the blogging world have been up to).

A paragraph from last year's entry;

"So I hope 2008 will be another dramatic year for me and you too :) It is much more exciting when it has a lot of over the top incidents to be unfold, worthwhile memories to be kept. Who knows what I will be blogging about at the end of the year and look back . Uh huh, I know this year will zoom by quickly!"

Told ya so last year that the velocity of 2008 will reached 2009 before you can even catch your first breath!

To summarize, 2008 had quite a few life altering changes I had to adapt with. And yes there were a few dramatic experiences. But let's skip the bad ones and only highlight the major achievements instead?

It was a good head start for 2008 when I finally got my driving license (like totally FINALLY!) and am now a proud owner of a humble swift. It gets a lot easier ever since it's arrival, mobility wise I mean. So 2 resolutions were achieved and strike off the list immediately :).

Other then that, 2008 had been kind to me on so many occasions. I can list all of them down but that would take ages for this post to get published.

Taken from another paragraph last year;
"And then again, finally I am positive and still believe so much in hope that someone special is out there. Dating is getting weary and no man can hold my attention for more then 5mins. An independent man, witty, a sense of adventure in his life, definitely not clingy and at the same time not afraid to bare his soul is very appealing to me. Call me naive but this is what makes me who I am and what I want. Everyone has their own right to be fussy you know."

Really, I never thought I would be this thankful at the end of 2-0-0-8. This whole complex thing that exist within humans of having to battle with intricate feelings and whatnots. I don't want to jinx it by literally spelling out this need for L-O-V-E, it is a lot like that though.

Grateful to the very person who brought us together, I never thought 2008 would bring this much meaning. I guess dark knight and I owe this one to her for making our 2008 complete :)

And if I can allow myself to share how I spent my 31st Dec, it was more then I could ask for. Not much about getting out loud and painting the town red but we spent it reasonably splendid enough with his friends for a small gathering which if I can digress here to my previous entry I managed to solve my dilemma and cooked baked pasta specially for this. Heh, moving on so where were we? Yeps we had our own countdown celebration at a nice coast in the east (heh no no not east coast park). It was cosy and laid back. Not as happening as Sentosa I'm sure but we were armed with party poppers and sparklers, I hope that counts! Something I think we have in common, we are such boring couple who don't really enjoy the party crowd that much. It was merry in a personal way and my favourite part was the moment the countdown was over dark knight made another wish came true by giving me my first kiss for 2-0-0-9. That was wonderful beyond words. A simple peck which promises a whole lot for this new year.

We left shortly after and met up with Kak Mas & Kak Alfia who were having a good time already. Didn't stay for long, had to bid them goodbye before we head back.

Oh and significantly during the day, dark knight is by far the most awesome dude I have ever dated when he bravely met my mama for the first time. I think I was more anxious and nervous then him. Come to think of it, I don't think he showed any sign of nervousness. Anyways I believe he has somehow impress mama and my dad whom he did not get to meet yet but bonded over a brief teleconversation. I am so glad it went quite well, so not liking it when my parents wants to meet the guy I am dating. Phew!

There you go, my 2-0-0-8 ended with a nice note yesterday not fabulous but subtly nice. Just the way I like it :)

And my resolutions for this year? A rather simple one actually to be more organized and to finish reading the 8 books which I bought but left untouched. It's about time lah. Both are achievable I assume.

Enjoy 2009 everyone! Or try to at least, hehe. The world had suffered too much depression in 2008 but that is another topic altogether. Let's leave it at this for now. Ciao!

2008-12-30T10:07:00.002+08:00

I am suppose to cook something for tomorrow's nye get together. The problem is, I can't think of a single thing to bring for the potluck. In fact I can't recalled the last time I was in the kitchen to cook up a storm!

This is really bad, I wonder what happened to my domestic side?

Martha Stewart, please hellllpppp?!!

to be continued...

2008-12-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

About 10months back, we hit it off like no other because there is so much to share suddenly.
To a stranger no less.
The chemistry was phenomenal as we rattled away about everything under the sun.

One in particular was this love for photography. He is the practitioner while I am just the photo gazer who loves analyzing photos of different sorts.

On normal nights, our conversation consists of any website or blog I discovered of a photographer. We raved, we compared and we learned for hours. Other times he will be talking about how he cant wait to get his hands on a new camera lens, latest accessories, different techniques and we even discuss the possibility of me having my own dslr. If I do, I have it easy since I have my own personal instructor on standby. Heh but he is kind to advice not to rush myself into this since he has been observing how people have been buying dslr because it is cool to have one but know nuts what ISO even means. He foresee it as exciting though, if I do get one and imagine all the things we can do together :)

My dark knight a former industrial designer who decided to leave that field of career to move on to a more realistic job while at the same time he is furthering his studies very soon have decided that photography shall remained a serious hobby to make sure he does not lose his flair for the arts (in general).

His relationship with his camera can get quite intense but one which I gladly approved :)

After putting much thought to it and how multiply is getting boring. He decided to create his own photo blog to post his photos as well as to serve as his own portfolio. It is still not 100% done yet but if you are reading this, spend sometime and click here.

And if you must know, I always have weakness for men behind the lens since the longest time. They are truly sexy.

(Sorry sweetie! I stole this property of yours heh, please still adore me)

Now that I own one, bless me!

2008-12-16T11:59:00.002+08:00

It has been a whirlwind week and it's not even over yet. I had an anxiety attack last Monday and it was horrible. I miss home too not that I haven't been going back but I miss 'home' and spending time with my family. Especially long chats with mama. It hurts me to look at her face every morning asking me non-verbally to slow myself down. That expression haunts me.

Thank you Ms Lini for the phonecall and for checking up on me. Hehe, a phonecall which I regard it as my window to the world outside. Your quota is considered fulfilled for this week. Looking forward to our meet up soon, especially those girly talks and you promising to giveaway a small part of your new wardrobe. I can't wait!

I also must say I am ever so grateful to the boyfriend who have been nagging at me incessantly. To have this, have never felt so welcoming in a long while. Despite the nagging, it was those daily night calls filled with much gaiety and humor to wind me down after a tough day.

Now that I've calm myself down, I need to go and save the world or so it seems with the way I have been flying around. All I want to do is go home early today and get a love hug from mama. Sigh..

2008-12-13T10:58:00.003+08:00

Lately I am not in the best of moods. It's a chore to even be sane.
I am not even looking forward to next week's trip which feels like a burden right now.

Thankfully my dark knight made a difference. For the past months we have been together he had been nothing but the most patient man I ever encountered. It baffles me sometimes why he is still sticking around. Not that I want him to leave me ;)

Take yesterday for example, we only managed to go for supper. A reason valid enough to meet because if we don't last night then it will be 2 weeks and a half counting next week that we lovers will be despaired of each others physical presence. Haha.

The motive of this entry is the sweet surprise I received from him. Never the sort of person who thinks he has to be a super romeo all the time by lavishing me with materials, he was otherwise yesterday!

My dark knight got me an ipod shuffle! In a typical fashion of asking me to close my eyes as I stretch out my palm. I couldn't stop giggling and feeling excited. I mean I am sorry but I never was the type who would receive random gifts on normal days except on my birthday. Heh so imagine how delighted I was!

I couldn't stop squealing soon afterwards. This man simply bought me this in return of not letting me borrow his ipod. Men and their gadgets, he is possesive! Thinking that he does not need his ipod as much ever since he owns an iphone was a huge mistake!

Listening to his reasons why he decided to get me the shuffle instead of the better ipods made me so happy. He knows me so well that I would under utilise the mp3 because I drive and I have my laptop at home if I need to do some jiggy. But the obvious reason was he knows that I am always not careful with gadgets. Hehe as easy as that and all was forgiven.

Till now, I cannot stop beaming how much this man has grown onto me. I remembered whining to him how my friends boyfriends can give so much to their girlfriends, testing his tolerance at the same time as I pretend to be difficult. He said, he may not show but he likes to surprise at the least unexpected moment. So far, he kept his promise :)

2008-12-10T08:06:00.002+08:00

I have this issue with my bottled up anger and the last thing I want to do is to explode.
Knowing that the cause of this anger will redirect the guilt onto me makes it even harder.

How do I cope with it honestly? I am not willing to share the whole naked truth here because I have learned to be less personal. Just that, sometimes sharing is not caring.

I need a way to channel all this negative ions into something positive. Sigh...

Anger Management perhaps..?

2008-11-29T10:12:00.005+08:00

I am really stressing right now with a million things to do at hand. One in particular requires me to do a lot of writing not at my own will. For someone who loves writing at her own disposal, writing in proper or being force is not my forte. Really. I kinda suck at it to be blunt.

So to ease my brain cells a little bit, I thought maybe I pay a visit here and share with you my thoughts on lusting over these 2 handphones.

I am very much in love with LG Viewty in Pink but it is not available in stock at Starhub thus I am contemplating if I should settle for my second favourite Samsung F480 in pink(too!).

The deciding factor will not be so soon but I would like to personally try out the phones myself before I buy.

But honestly my heart is set upon that viewty baby lah. Hehe.

2008-11-26T09:11:00.002+08:00

I am into frumpy clothes, big sweatshirts and tasteless tops. Jeans are my life. Bare naked face without cosmetics is the season's look and Eyebags are the most in thing to have right now!!

Sigh.. what have I turned into? I swear(!)to the state of fashion bureau I still loooveee fashion to death! But I am willingly surrendering myself to fashion police so the fashion high court can charge me with fashion homicide within myself which resulted me turning unfashionable currently.

Seriously, can someone send me to rehab? Ouh make that a specific fashion rehab please.

(They tried to make go rehab and I said 'please please please'...)

But as unfashionable as I may be now since I'm going for the "i couldn't be bothered look", I can tell you the latest hot runaway looks at a flick of my tougue. I just need effort to come back to me...

**Be right back when I can because I can't wait to gush about my recent trip which literally took my breath away.

2008-11-06T11:41:00.002+08:00

The demise of 3 people from the industry all within half a day, is quite a blow.
It's quite hard to choke when we barely digested the departure of one when another news came within minutes.

A sudden muteness engulf the office for a minute as all of us I am sure have the same thoughts running through our minds.

What a sorrowful day, the angel of death is in full force.

My condolences to the families who have just lost their loved ones today.

2008-11-06T02:25:00.004+08:00

It was the most exciting election ever. I was in the office with the rest of my colleagues yesterday and was really thrilled to hear what Obama had to say for his victory speech. I like the 'change' and 'hope' he brings something to the table. The world is watching his every move now.

The first African American President. This miracle can only happen in the US folks ;)

I caught this photo of Jessica Alba online when I did my daily tabloid updates,

Beautiful aren't they? I still want to look that oblivious as if I am the happiest woman in the world even with my husband and cutsy baby in tow.

And today is also the first time I am publishing my dark knight's photo here.

Nah, it's not about keeping his identity a mystery but really we don't have that much photos together 'yet', since most of the time we will be having so much fun on our dates we the aging couple absentmindedly will not manage to snap anything for keeps. Although, ironically my dark knight here is an avid photographer.

Just like him, this is my current favourite photo too.

So there you go, my dark knight. The one I can't stop raving about. The one who is to blame for all the rainbows and butterflies he brings into my life. As you can see, he lets me cling on him (literally and not) whenever I want too :). I am spoilt.

2008-10-26T18:15:00.005+08:00

Lazing around on my bed on a late Sunday afternoon figuring out my schedule within the next spans of the last couple of months. This is intended so I can maximise my leave but I cannot help but frown at the number of projects which is coming in year end.

Pushing all sombre thoughts aside can I share something corny here?

I am suddenly missing my dark knight who at this moment is sloggging himself at work with a full shift to cover. After wrapping both our final Eid outing quite late yesterday, I am pretty sure he is still not well rested.

I said something to him on the phone before both of us retired for the night which I believed it is the most romantic thing I ever said to him since we got into a relationship. I told him "I think I am falling for my boyfriend". I swear I could feel him blushing terribly radiated through our mobiles and vice versa.

This is a whole a new thing I'm experiencing. To fall for someone after you are in a relationship. If it's not too much details I found someone who would randomly kiss my forehead and lovingly stroke my head. Ahh, that beats any tongue twisting snogging or verbal iloveyous which we both are silently saving it for the right time to say. To do that graciously, I can't wait. It's like a silent thought bubble just waiting for the right time to pop he he he

Heartwarming isn't this? For a Sunday's entry ;)

And there is just something about this song that every time I listen to it I see something which is a bit too personal to share it here right now.

Till later, I shall end it here for today, can't wait to meet my Qihuaians later!

2008-10-24T08:53:00.003+08:00

These gifts were for a very special lady who is more of a sister to me then a friend.
I hope you like the inside more then the outside. Especially the Tiffany&Co inspired box. Too bad I cannot afford the real thing but hope you will like it as much! And finally I hope the hot pink journal I got you which also serves as your Birthday and Congratulatory card/message have the privilege to be filled with important notes and memos. I am sorry the gifts took awhile to get to you :)

It was a difficult task to decide what to get you and I know it can never beat what you got me for my birthday!

I am still feeling over the top and I never imagined that you will actually get me something I mentioned once or twice over some of our empty talks for real. 2 years in a row you have moved me so much and this year you rise up a notch and I am left speechless foreva!! The Garmin Nuvi 205 comes with a swanky price tag and you shouldn't have but I guess it's also your way of telling me that I am hopeless with road directions and having a GPS would do me good. Maybe I should have mention an iphone too lah He he..

Anyhoos! Once again I would like to express to you my enormous congratulations for your recent good news! Trust me, I am so proud and very happy for you although(!) your absence will be felt (sorry lah a bit mushy heh). Yes, it sucks not to be able to work with you again for any projects any time soon but ultimately it is your company that I will miss which sticks out like a sore thumb. I will miss hyperventilating to you as I am sure you would do to me too sometimes and what am I going to do when we are not going to have our frequent girlfriend talks once you are busy? So please don't ever be a stranger to me! Nevertheless, I'm all behind you as your pursue your new career. I am really looking forward to reading your first front page news written by you Miss Lini :)

P/s: Abang hisham if you are reading this, please remind your wife to call me once a week. I decided a quota would do her good since she has the tendency to have matters slip her mind hehe.

P.P/S: We have a deepavali date this Monday Miss Lini just in case you forget ok ;)

2008-10-22T05:34:00.001+08:00

I have been busy being sick if anyone is wondering. Can't really recall the last time I visited the doctor until recently. Just so you know, I lost my voice too. It couldn't be any more disgustingly sexier then it was. I suspected it was the mother of all exhaustion not from drinking too much f&n hehe.

Thankfully I have recovered within the period I am on hiatus here. It wasnt so much about resting myself. With so many chi chi la la and walk-ado to complete the body had to just willed itself to get better. I am so done with raya visiting and ready to move on. But I have one more to go oh wait maybe 2 more this weekend with some friends, sigh.. But all's in good company, hopefully :)

So yes, this was a gist of my Eid. Everything was blissful. As you can see, I have a new hobby and it did cross my mind to consider being a florist as a career switch. Sigh, I love flowers beyond its universal symbolism of romance. I love flowers simply because I love colors and how therapeutic it can be. 8 vases around the house y'all on the first day of Syawal. That is how much I love to be surrounded with fresh dew and petals of the real sort.

2008-09-30T11:10:00.000+08:00

It's half day at work today with Raya songs blaring in the office, you could practically sniff the joyous occassion in the air. It became quite infectious since everyone at work is in festive mood, I am taking a bit of time from work to pen this.

Tomorrow is Syawal, abit surreal since I did not get to enjoy Ramadan to its fullest. Not to mention I still have like a million of other errands to run today. It's a mad rush but let's hope I get everything done. The first thing I will do is to drive down to Far East Flora later on to buy fresh flowers for home. A routine I am happy to repeat for the past couple of years! Something about fresh flowers on the first day of Raya makes everything at home a complete picture.

My past weekend had been fruitful. I went last minute shopping with mama to get the things I haven't had the time to do in advance. Everything is in moderation this year, I was able to comfort myself by slashing certain things from the list that was not necessary. Only one thing, ok wait there is 2 things actually that I was not able to forgo was shoes and my hair. I bought myself 2 pairs of shoes last weekend, I am so crazy about heels! And this is coming from someone who rarely wear heels on daily basis. The other thing is of course my hair. I finally got it done yesterday, my hair was in a huge mess for the past months. Loving it now but let me assure you it is nothing fancy. My dark knight was lucky he was the first to preview it last night.

And speaking of the dark knight, this raya is made to be more special. I am feeling so deliriously excited that we are celebrating this together. So, yes in a typical coupledom manner he got himself a matching outfit to go with mine (last minute too yesterday heh).

A brief rundown of my raya preps and it's all been good so far. Except I failed to bake my cookies! That is something I cannot squeeze into my schedule today. Guess I will have to shelf that thought to another day.

Anyways the gist of my entry is to talk all things Raya and at the same time I would like to wish all muslims Salam Lebaran! Maaf Zahir dan Batin!

2008-09-28T10:25:00.002+08:00

Today is the last episode and I urge anyone who is reading this to watch. I hardly self promoted of the programs I do but because working on Warna Ramadan gives me a different kind of fulfillment. Hence, please do watch! If you do no know Warna Ramadan will be showed on Suria at 5.30pm and it's second re-run of the episode will be at 11pm at night, just in case you miss the earlier telecast

One particular segment worth mentioning is Jalinan Kasih, every week we meet people from different walks of life who wrote in to plead their cases to be picked and to help them look for their missing family members. 5 episodes and we had featured 4 stories, so far 3 out of them were solved successfully.

I look forward each week to call these people personally and find out more about their missing family members who they had not met for a long time or some even who they had never laid their eyes ever since they were separated from birth . It stirred my heart most of the time when I talk to these strangers on the phone who felt genuinely delighted when I introduced myself and where I am from. The instant trust and hope which they gave to a nobody like me moved me to the point of tears. How they appealed their stories and believed this segment could assist in reaching out to the very person they are looking for or anybody who has information with regards to that person to come forward.

Usually after I hang up the phone, I couldn't wait to meet these strangers myself and arranged the filming day. I remembered one particular filming, the speech given by the lady was powerful in every sense of the word 'mother' all I wanted to do was to run back to my mama and let myself get lost in her embrace telling her how much she means to me. Never have I ever felt this grateful to be reminded that I have people at home who means the world to me. Looking at how much time I spent outside the house this month breaks my heart inside that I might have neglected the people at home.

The gratitude I received and how thankful they were leaves me humble but most of all words cannot describe the contentment of having to be a part of family reunions and how emotional it can be. I get too emotional and attached sometimes that I broke my professional barrier when I got choked up in tears.

So do watch if you have the time today, it is not so much about garnering ratings but more about the humilty content the program brings especially on this holy month. Ramadan is a month of purity and miracles. And I am lucky to witness this. Prayers were answered and how special can this be to reunite with your flesh and blood during this holy month.

On another note, 'Jalinan Kasih' is something very personal to me. It stares back at me daring myself to feel emotions I did not dare let myself to. Not wanting to care before was my bruised ego but the stark truth that I cannot change my past made me wonder that maybe in time will I should I be brave enough to seek that missing person who didn't even want a part of all this.

2008-09-16T08:18:00.002+08:00

This month has been such a blur and I am still in denial that we have approximately one and half weeks to Syawal. It is the crucial period and I know for sure panic mode will come to attack next week.

Raya preps is still taking the backseat. I hope I will have the time to get the necessary from next week onwards. Thank god its pay day too next week! At the moment I have jotted down the list in my brain on random times when I am idle at work. Told myself to put it to writing but alas I have not!

Budget is my concern but whatever it is my top priority is the change i desperately needed. Yes the Hair is the big issue. Something's got to be done and I already know what I want to do with it. This gonna be fun because the best friend and me are going to do this together next week too! I promise my dark knight that the change will make him fall for me harder. The physical attraction so called, something he wasn't concern about. What a good man I have. Heh. A heavy promise to my dark knight and I will bawl my eyes out if the change doesn't turn out well.

Nah kidding! It's my hair we are talking about even if he doesn't approve. I think we ladies know this better than any man would!

Till then, have a good day!

2008-09-11T08:39:00.001+08:00

Never have I ever visited Geylang so frequent within the span of 1 month. For the record, I had already visited Geylang 5 times on the first week of Ramadan alone, how about that!

Anyway besides being in an intense and deep relationship with my job this month, I have been spending a bit more time with the best friend.

-We had break fast together with my colleagues and had a very good time.
-She slept over at my place just like old times.
-She surprise me with my belated birthday gift. An Armani Exchange bag, the same exact one which I saw with her at the shop a couple of months back. Love!!
-Impromptu night out to Geylang on a weekday.
- And frequent calls.

I feel blessed this holy month we decided to have a bit more time for each other. Looking forward to 2 more dates with you!

Knowing you can read my journal now, cheers to reviving our stale friendship!

2008-08-30T10:08:00.001+08:00

Surviving 24 hours without sleeping can really turned you into a grouchy person.
Started my Friday very early in the morning with gruelling filming session, returned to the office to get tapes and made a dash to syed alwi road. Our program's post production base. Then another filming was scheduled later in the evening (more about this one later) after which we came back to syed alwi road. The whole production team camped the night to package our first program which will tx tomorrow.

Though save for the editors, the rest headed home this morning before we all will meet again later to complete the first episode. It was crazy but then it was fun as we kept amusing each other with stupid jokes the entire night to keep the adrenalin running. Mellowed down in the wee hours as Zulina and myself decided to have Big breakfast. Pure happiness I tell you especially since Ramadan is around the corner. Talked about romance flicks as ate, what was interesting about this conversation was our editor who is a male is a fan of the genre. Now this is not common for a man. Ha ha, his girlfriend is lucky.

Drove home with eyes which can barely opened but Kak Lini is the sweetest thing this morning when she played a song which we requested her to play on air, heh yes we play cheat. Then again, her chirpy voice saves myself from crashing into anything hehe. Maybe I was grumpy but traffic was insane earlier with bad drivers on the road. It doesnt help that Zulina and myself were at boiling points. All sorts of vulgarities was spurred like nobody's business. You name it we said it. %$#@/&!!!!

And now here I am on my bed, surprise that I only slept for 2 hours, contemplating still if I should make mama's day to bring her down to JB but today is not a day to endure the jam at the causeway since I have to rush back to syed alwi rd later on. Part of me hate to break her heart although mama have been so understanding that I was away all night but it doesn't make it any better when today is her birthday. Thank god, I managed to get her gift when I went out with my dark knight last thursday which started out not good because i was somehow a bad date , i feel so shitty to know that my dark knight was frustrated when I am still working while watching movie that he had to grab my mobile away from me. As much as he was frustrated, I know I adore him so much for understanding my position. He comforts me by saying I need to give myself a break sometimes but gave in to me as he lets me settle my urgent matters by making phone calls as he looked on quietly so that we can enjoy our dinner peacefully. I could not help by apologising to him profusely but he moved me by simply saying he understands. You never know how much that means to me when he said that. Sigh.. did i mention before that compromising rocks!! Anyways so much for digressing but well mama's gift is still lying in my car's boot unwrapped. Just because I want to make this proper, I want to purchase a very nice looking wrapper. I know I am anal about giving gifts. Maybe I can squeeze a bit of time later to get her flowers to go with it.

Disclaimer: Due to not much sleep, I am impress I can still blog but don't mind my atrocious grammer or if it doesn't make any sense to you. Heh ok Kak Lini might hyperventilate, haha hey I miss you ok!! Ok digress again, Kak lini dinner leyyyy?!

2008-08-19T02:23:00.003+08:00

I always tell my friends you tell him what you feel. And they will always say they will never have the courage to do what I did. To me it wasn't so much about the courage, it was about knowing your prerogative.

So I had professed my love to someone before. You name it. I wrote him emails, on the phone, smses, upfront and even hinted it in my blog. I may sound like a loose woman but of course I did it with my pride and dignity in tact. And one of the reason which this guy will always be fond of me was my bluntness. It amuses him each time. I wonder now that I might have been too bold for him all the while although he had known he had never acknowledge it.

In a peculiar way I have no shame or regret in doing what I did. I followed my heart assuming what it could have been. The only regret that I have was to know he never gave it a chance and was undecided in so many ways. The main reason I figured was he haven't really gotten over his last relationship.

Then again on the irony side due to this incident, it makes me more leery how I should open up to people.

Amazingly, I got into my current relationship without going through the 'i-fall-head-over-heels-for-you' kinda thing and there was no dramatic 'i-need-to-confess-how-i-feel-towards-you' kinda thing either.

It was more like adapting to each other slowly and we have not even mention once to each other the big L-O-V-E. I haven't gotten paranoid just in case you are wondering, heh. In more ways then one I am liking how this is progressing. You must be thinking "honeymoon period mah" but hey! I should be allowed to have that entitlement like every new relationship shouldnt I?

What I am trying to say is, every relationship brings you a different experience and this one happens naturally. Getting to know this person everyday is a new discovery that well we might without knowing are in fact falling head over heels for each other.

You know I took the quote "each failed relationship brings you closer to finding an everlasting relationship" by heart. Honestly, I am clueless about the future of my current relationship with this man but I know and hope it will be for the best.

My dark knight might cringe when he read this (if he reads that is) but for someone who never express his feelings verbally showed me in so many ways that you don't need words to convey what you really feel all the time. I am learning well and good. Compromising rocks I tell you!

Though I do hope someday, verbally would be nice hear too sometimes. hehe

Pardon me, of late I have been relating sappy stuffs. You can't blame someone who is basking in some kind of nirvana.

Maybe I haven't said this before but it feels easier to say it here.
Your existence is affecting my present state of mind.
Happiness is one thing but it doesn't mean I have stopped having bad days.
I still do.
The difference is having you around these days makes it manageable.
A single phone call from you and a smile formed on my lips.
A warm cuddle with you and I feel better.
For that, you deserve my thank yous :)

+++++++++

p/s: in order to feel sleepy i resorted to pen down my thoughts. Easily appeased and accomplished it is better then counting sheep (private joke). I don't why I need to justify to the dark knight just in case he nags that I shouldn't be sleeping late.

2008-08-16T02:28:00.001+08:00

So this week is going to be crazy for 7 days straight, as much as it is I also cant deny how cute and adorable the kids were with their silly antics. The kids and my team will be celebrating Aidilfitri earlier this Saturday, but with the other parent programme VTR Recording on Friday.

It is still amazing how everyone at work is still up and about on our toes.

I am very much jittery about Saturday due to various reasons to which I will share another time. After I have overcome it that is..

***************

*Fireworks on National day wasn't really spectacular but what makes the day special was my dark knight willingness to watch it with me despite knowing fireworks ain't his thing. Even to the extent of suggesting going up to Mount Faber. At it's peak we waited with bated breath (ok more like I did) along with a tub of ice cream. A moment like this makes its another memory in the making of simple pleasures I have missed out for quite awhile now. Can't wait for what else is in store :)

2008-08-06T03:06:00.002+08:00

The last weekend had been hard on me, I was left with no choice but to stay cooped up in my room all along.

Even when my dark knight called from work and ask what am I doing, for 2 days straight I had to remind him I have decided to go on strike and stay put at home just because I could not accept the fact that I was not able to attend Singfest. My heart banyak pain ok..

3 days have gone by and I feel slightly better..sigh..

Nevertheless life still has to go on. Heh.

By the way just in case Rozi or Farah might wonder, I wanted very much to share the surprise which they did for my birthday, it was by far the most surprising indeed for this year. But the thing is our dear Kak Mas apparently did not include the birthday photos into the dvd which I requested from her.

So instead, I feel like sharing other random photos taken last year and also recently. Entah macam mana my celebration paling significant up to date was not inside the dvd, haiz tak boleh harap betol hehe.

Since this is from Kak Mas archive collection, please do not be taken aback if you see plenty of her photos. You guys I am sure by now knows how much she loves to camwhore. There were a lot more but these were the few which I terlarat nak share with all.

And also don't worry I will make sure I bug Kak Mas for my birthday surprise photos. That one deserves a special entry. The One which will make me smile if I were to read this journal of mine 10 years from now. Insyallah. :)

2008-08-01T03:17:00.003+08:00

Surizah the gift you gave was a huge mistake! Because it is currently my favourite mules!
Raihan you too big mistake! The mug let me indulge with vast amount of caffeine which I deperately need! Plus I like showing off the mug too..hahaa

Catching up with two teachers left my brain stimulating with intellectual thoughts. I had so much fun and this made me realised how much I had miss the both of you on separate accounts :)

It brings me joy we could simply click just like that. I apologize for not being punctual but I thank you guys for forgiving me and yet sweet enough to celebrate my special day as well as Surizah's.

Surizah I owe you one and Raihan yours is just around the corner. I expect another round soon :)

Love!

2008-08-01T03:00:00.003+08:00

"Our days are so crowded
and our hours so few
There's so little time and so much to do
That the days fly by
and are over and done
Before we have even half begun
To do the things that we mean to do
But never have time to carry through
And how nice it would be
if we stopped to say
The things we feel
in our hearts each day"

A verse by Helen Steiner Rice, this is what was printed on the card presented by my beautiful ladies. The apt verse carries a lot of weight till it brought me to tears. The surprise was unexpected and let me assure you there is no need to plan another one :)

My 24th have been nuthing but meaningful with warm people like you whom I have come to love and cherish for 11 years and counting.

Once again ladies, from the bottom of my heart I thank you for this rare moment of just you and you and me. Baidah, this entry is already a few weeks old but just like what you said in the card better late then never ;)

2008-07-30T01:18:00.001+08:00

This is almost insane to define..

Despite whatever madness is swirling around my life,

It is almost too good to be true after a really long drought,I never could have been happier that the rain is falling harsh and hard on my skin.

Or it could also be this way; after a long bout of the dark gloomy clouds, I see the ray of light at the end of the horizon.

Either way due to this, I have been smiling silly of late.

I have finally met a knight. Ermm not the typical knight in shining armor but I have decided that in honor of the recent blockbuster which also happened to be our current favourite movie.

He shall be refer as my dark knight.

Hell I never felt this warm and fuzzy in a long time. I am feeling so smug that I can feel so warm and fuzzy in my own right. It feels good to know now that I have someone to look forward and rant my exhaustion of my daily mayhem and he is there to pick up my call. Knowing that he never lets me down whenever I call is 'hope'. Listening to him vent his frustation of his own daily mayhem is music to my ears. And hearing him frown as he voice his concern for my well being is comforting.

Even now, when I look at other couples walked down the same street as me who only have eyes for no one else but their other half, smiling and holding hands. It hit me, as I turned to my side and smile secretly when I looked down at my hands with his. No longer do I feel the longing to hold someone's hand.

He wasn't the Knight in shining armor which I had hope for all along. Or perhaps a perfect romeo I hope to save my life. But it was this dark knight who came unexpectedly and is something else altogether.

Hey all, bottomline is I once wrote I wanted to be a someone not a something in a man's life. Without being too force and clingy, a man who admits he is no good with words shows through his gestures that at this moment I am his someone in his life.

This entry is mushy and corny by my standards. So mushy that I feel all spooky creeping up my toes. But of course, in a good way kinda spooky. Yes, the dark knight makes me feel all spooky and excited at the same time instead of the typical butterflies fluttering in my tummy. This may not make sense to you but it is ok as long as it make perfectly sense to me :)

p/s: Now, it is not my fault that the Photoshop quit on me while I was resizing the photos!! I promise again I will post it the on the next one ;)

2008-07-18T02:04:00.002+08:00

So another year come and go..
Here I am for the 4th year sharing with you that I have turned a year older..
I am 24.

If last year this was what I wrote,

"Nonetheless thanks to the lovely souls who outdo certain things for me to feel really special this year, your gratitude shall be appreciated and cherished for long time to come :) I am still stunned when I think about the several surprises turned up for me.."

Let it be known to those who put so much effort for making me feel special this year my countless thank yous and hugs could not describe how I really felt. And as I was going through the beautiful presents which I got this year, I realised all of them have one thing in common. All of them were gifts from your heart, each and every single one of them were your thoughts which depicts me. I could not feel more blessed than I already am! It means a lot to know how well you apprehend my personality.

Especially one in particular, never knew within the short span period of time that we know each other he gave me something that I know I will be selfish about it. It warms my heart that he knew, he listened, he had observed. It was a gift that came with much thought and just like that he won me over.

See I am this corny and easy to please hehe ;)

Anyways, if you dear reader are wondering how personal the above paragraph sounded and your presumption gets the best of you, well let me clear your doubt that my 24th was extra special this year with the existence of a wonderful man. I find it hard to believe myself :)

Everything is still very new. I have been slapping myself silly to realise this is happening for real, even to the extent of pinching myself harder by changing my status in Friendster and Facebook. Needless to say it created a ruckus amongst my friends who actually noticed and got even more excited then me. Thank you for sharing my happiness as you would with my woes.

Like I said everything is still new and I do not want to jeopardize what I have. So let's hope and cheers to my new beginning :)

Once again, thank you to those who have made me even special this year through the countless surprises (which leave me numb with tears in the end), beautiful gifts and even your messages through online and my mobile and even to those who came to me personally to tell me. It means a lot that despite your busy schedules you took your time to wish me, this leaves me humble to know my existence means something to you.

p/s: Alrite guys I know I promised! Rest assured the photos which had captured my special moments will be updated soon by the next entry. Heh I needed this one to be a bit emotional before I deliberate the rest. Ermm sort of hehe.

2008-07-16T01:48:00.000+08:00

Turned a year older a few days ago :)
Lovely as it is, can't help thinking that my life is moving at a breakneck speed..

And if you feel like me too you will appreciate how poignant this song is.
I call it my 24th Birthday theme song.
Heh Enjoy :)

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast forward I falter again
Forgetting to breathe
I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Pass me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down
Slow me down
Slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe
Somebody please
Slow me down

~ Slow Me Down by Emmy Rossum~

2008-07-05T19:51:00.005+08:00

After spending so much time browsing through pretty dresses from Matthew Williamson, Balenciaga, Chloe, Alexander Mcqueen among others, I am left brokenhearted because I can never afford those, period. Sigh, like seriously maybe I should learn how to sew. And when I master that, I can replicate a certain design and save moolahs while at it.

But of course, I am just playing mind games with myself. Until then, I think I will have to rely on a seamstress to help me out. One day okay one day I will put mama's sewing good-for-nothing machine (because she is also clueless about sewing) to good use.

Anyways, much love to you ladies. Elfy and Yaya finally received their outstanding gifts from us since the order did not reached in time for their Birthday picnic.

I miss you babes so glad we met up and catch up. I mean like literally we took turns round the table and each of us gave a brief summary of what's going on in our lives. Who could have thought eh that being an adult is hard work?

Ouh, Baidah! I just have to steal a photo (or two actually heh) from you. Ha ha, i think my excitement for cam whoring is slowly depleting. Hence, my lack of pictorial updates either here, my friendster and facebook. Come to think of it, I am turning into such a bore. My level of energy can barely sustain after 8pm most days I tell you.

2008-06-30T01:04:00.005+08:00

Everyone at work was busy like hell for the past 2 weeks.
Now that the Bruneians have already safely gone back home last Friday and the MOU projects have thankfully ended quite ok, we all can now have a bit of breather before the Hari Raya projects starts kicking in,which I bet will be very soon..sigh..

A group photo of myself with the Brunei counterparts on the day of their departure. This is only a group photo of the programme 'Forum Universiti 2008' which I am in charge , there is 2 other big groups for Bridging Minds and Titian Minda.

Anyways I have nothing much to update currently or rather the lack of words to put into place!

But if i can just update about anything random anything at all, I would like to share with you how much in love I am with my new mobile which is almost 3 days old :). My old mobile needed to be replaced because of it's poor and embarrassing condition (which by the way is not even a year old). It took me more then a month to purchase myself a new phone while loaning mama's 2 extra mobile.

I am simply an aesthetic person. I go for the basic functions and the appearance of the mobile. I purchase the following phone solely because I like the purplek colour very much and they have this gesture control function which I thought was super cool. The matching earpiece completes the set too! Very glad it came free with the phone, because I have been wanting to get myself a handsfree earpiece for myself so I can multitask when I drive and answer my calls, amazing I tell you now that I am able to do just that! Ouh I also got 1gb memory card free!

This purchase would not be possible if he did not willingly gave me his $200 sony ericsson voucher. I saved quite a lot and just had to top up the balance! I have to stop short myself from jumping on him and smother him with kisses as my way of saying thanks! But of course that would scare the hell out of him, hehe...
I have to emphasize this again I am a happy person when I see my new mobile phone because it's purrrrple!

Moving on to my Sunday, I would like to think I spent the day well. I went in to JB with mama to send in my kain baju for raya, which according to mama was past it's due date. I hope it will turn out just like how I wanted it to be. I digress, something tells me Raya is going to be different this time around for a whole lots of reasons, both good and bad.

Lastly, I received a hurtful sms in the evening. I was distracted by it's content and how unfair it sounded. How this person may not realized that what he felt was what I felt countless times on occasions he did almost the same thing to me. You were just as irresponsible too.

Ouh well, let me tell you i think a man is sexy when he has high tolerance for patience. Without a doubt.

2008-06-14T12:56:00.003+08:00

Kak Mas was sharing with me the latest single by Leona Lewis. I never thought it would strike a chord in me.

Nursing a broken heart was an excruciating task. Even after 4 years of remaining single without any other serious relationship in between I have to admit there is no other man who had made an impact in my life like he did.

And 4 years on he was recently happily married. Strange isnt't it?

I was feeling mortified how can he be the one who get to reach the altar (in this case the dais) first before me. Then again it was just me being selfish.

I took a long long time to get over him. You know the first stage after breaking up was how everything, everywhere you go it reminded you of him. This was the hardest. Then it was followed waiting painstakingly by the phone hoping he changed his mind and come back to you. That never happened.

The recuperation starts how I begin to feel all angst towards relationships. Like men are hopeless beings, never to be trusted because all they do is cheat our feelings and bla bla bla.. To be honest, all of the above wasn't true at all. I was in denial.

Most people think they are healing when they meet someone new but truth be told I knew I was healing when I was laughing much more like myself again when I am around my friends. He was no longer constantly in my mind 24/7 and my energy were all dedicated to solely my work, instead of being resentful as to why I had to resort to working hard to forget him, I felt satisfaction in me that I love my time spent working.

Then comes the day, when I start feeling coy all over again around men. Flirting around seems like a fun activity to do in ages! I feel good going on dates knowing I do not feel guilty as if I was cheating my feelings with someone.

As cliche as this may sound, I am a survivor. A victim of a broken heart and I did got better in time. I didn't know how but I did eventually. Although sometimes I do reminisce the past and how looking at his wedding photos affected me some way some how, I am sincerely glad that this man who once used to mean a lot to me found his happiness.

I got to meet him (i didn't know it was for the last time) without knowing that he was about to get hitched in a few weeks time. The understanding of our fondness together will always be there. I do feel sore that he hid from me the exact day when he was getting married but I know it no longer matters.

The purpose of this entry is to inform Mr LMT that you will get better in time (I refer to our last night conversation). I am telling you this here because this is the only other place I can communicate decently without you debating with me. I took more then 4 years and along the way it was a blessing for me to meet an amazing man like you. I can say this without being bashful that you are one of the causes which got me better in time. Albeit, there was another disappointment with you, I guess it is due time we both know it will never happen because just like you said some men are still unsure if there is someone else out there. Coax yourself out, explore, maybe that someone else is waiting for you..

This song brought me back to the times I was fighting hard to bring me back my sanity, myself. And today, let me share with those of you are going through this tough period. It will get better in time.

And as Carrie Bradshaw would say

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

Though currently, through a friend I got to know someone wonderful. It all gets exciting from here onwards. I don't know what is going to happen but rest assured whatever it is, my blog is a place I tell/share. It may seem I do not blog as frequently as I used to but when I have the time I will ;)

***************

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

2008-05-19T11:23:00.003+08:00

I have a couple of drafts in my blogger posts left unfinished. There were so many times, I had the urge to pen down certain thoughts, a couple of experience and how thing's are going on.

And I know how lame it sounds to tell you that I'm preoccupied with my job (*yawn* and so does everyone else right?), heh but that is the entire truth. I am usually mentally drained by the time I unwind and thinking hard how to express myself with proper vocab and grammar can be really taxing or i risk myself getting butchered by Ms Lini if i still go ahead and publish incoherent ramblings. Hehe.

But of course, my world does not only revolves around my job! What do u think I am?! An obsessed workaholic? I will never forgive myself if I spiral down that hole and end up being miserable for the rest of my life.

To summarize my past few weeks, it looks like an exciting graph with constant high and lows. The high ones are usually the best, thankful for all the great things and all the happy smiles that came with it. Especially lately on a personal level it feels good to have someone to talk to each time you come home exhausted and in need of giggling fits and a listening ear. The 'once a week' date compromises the situation to accommodate my erratic schedule and his hectic shifts ;). Due to this, each date had it's fun surprises which contribute to balance the highs and lows in my life.

The lows are usually the most downright plain unfortunate. Running away from issues seems like a good alternative but knowing that it won't make the problems go away can be a tough nail to bite. So in a typical fashion, facing the music is the only way to go. I guess these are all reminders that too happy is also not healthy.

On a significant recent note, I had a really good chat with one of our editors at work. Aptly, it was Friday and the book she had with her aroused my curiosity. It was conversations like this that helps me to keep myself grounded to reality and my religion. Can't deny that my ignorance and delinquency towards my beliefs have been rapid. Blaming it all on modern world does not erase the sins which I had done. The fear of what will befall on me if I am too late to resent makes me shivers right done to my spine. Contradictively, talking about this makes no sense if I do not do anything about it aye?

Sometimes, a knock in the head will do us good.

Wait, make that a heavy hard knock.

(my entry seems a tad bit like chicken soup for the soul ish now that i read it all over again)

2008-05-05T07:53:00.002+08:00

There is too much to say..

But what's to say is better left unsaid..

For now.

2008-05-03T02:48:00.017+08:00

Since the taggers have somehow let the cat out of the bag, leaving them in suspense is no longer valid. Yes, i am currently in a relationship. Beats me too as to how easily I surrender my devotion 'the moment' we met!

It was definitely love at first sight and the instant chemistry was electrifying!

So here goes...

We are still getting to know each other. So far it has been nothing but full of excitement and plenty of drama in fact heh. I am over the moon with my new muse. My god, just the thought of going to pick him up the first time was really nerve wrecking. I swear it's almost like I was on my way to my own solemnization. But just like marriage, this comes with huge responsibility. I abide to the fact that maintaining a car is no easy feat.

Truth to be told, I am still in denial each time I walk towards him, it's hard to believe he is actually mine. Ok mine is too selfish. He belongs to my family :)

Other then this piece of exciting news, there were of course the not so exciting news. I had went through a traumatic experience recently for which I shall not disclose here. Ladies I apologize another million times that I wish things could have turned out better that day :( Nonetheless although I kept telling you guys I wasnt in the mood for photo taking it doesnt mean the usual routine of passing me the photos should have gone absent too. Tsk tsk. Somehow, even when I am depressed I am pleasantly surprise that I actually look good in a few shots. Darn, why doesn't this happen when you were posing so hard for a perfect picture??

It was suppose to be better then this but i think it was still great.

April Babies (ganyut)

Why oh why Elfy?

I am sorry, this was not me in the right frame of mind.
You guys know how i love to smile for the camera
especially if it's taken with you ladies. But 10 years down the road, this photo
has a story to tell :)

Finally, Ms Sina please please do not mind me but just like my friend I have resort to 'stealing' your photos. They are just too gorgeous. Probably because you are the subject. Heh. My heartiest congrats once more! I have said it before but I shall say it again, you look beautiful that day!

With that said, of course you are automatically linked up and please be informed that you have already got yourself a number one fan. Me being me who loves everything about weddings especially when it comes to the planning all the nitty gritty details will surely look forward to read with regards to your countdown to your big day! Since i am so far away from planning mine reading yours will sure be such a joy to me! Triple cheers!

2008-04-19T09:57:00.004+08:00

As the day approaches, I simply cannot wait for Sunday mornings breakfast..
Sunset cruising,
Having endless list of places to go ( Kak Lini what is your first pick?) at convenience..
Doing the ___________ barefoot because no one can stop me (hehe)
Be more puntual (err by at least 10mins earlier everytime)
Rocking to Timbaland and singing at the top of my lungs to Mariah Carey, (oh yes baby this is my ultimate fantasy of doing it in there, carefree!)
Be an obedient daughter and be at my family's service (being responsible makes me a better person and with this convenience coming along making their life easier makes me feel happy too)
Random nights out for supper with selected people (ha ha)

Best of all, I cant believe that it is mine.. coming soon... sooner then soon..

What the hell is this all about? It was the little secret that I mentioned a few entries back. It will be reveal eventually la.. hehe

Anyways I was looking at my bintan photos and concluded that I love this photo the most, must be the work of Farah's magic finger or was it Rozi's?

Yes, it ought to be that couple strolling on the beach.

A secret longing to have the same exact moment too..

Have a good saturday you all, I believe mine is going to be super lovely ehem especially after work today.

P/s: I have been smiling silly to myself lately, heh wonder why..?

2008-04-14T01:55:00.005+08:00

It happened a couple of weeks back. I wish I could go somewhere further but my schedule does not permits me too.

And as usual, Bintan is an express escape service to paradise..

This time around with another bunch of wonderful friends :)

We shall do this again to another place! Looking forward to meet you rozi and farah (cant wait for you to come back from LA! I want photos and every single bit of details!) soon-ish for our postmortem discussion hehe..ahh well more like just another reason for us to meet and be in the company of each other.

The prancing around at the beach at midnight to anti-climatic music, 2 bimbos sharing the same room, good food during the entire trip, endless fun of swimming in the beautiful waters, banana ride boat was just more then a thrilling ride(!), farah and me got romantic as we went kayaking together and got our shoulders badly burnt, playing a prank on rozi's beloved bandanna (sorry dear! it was entertaining though right?heh), pet names for guys who got our attention, strange noises on the last night, soul searching talks and bonding, and let's not forget our amazing race moment to be running all the way to our ferry and being the last to board, all because last minute shopping was so hard to resist.. This one was hard to forget you know ;)

++++++++

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

2008-04-03T00:54:00.004+08:00

Quoted from Beyonce herself,

"You can't rush a man into anything – whether it's a relationship, marriage or having children," the singer, 25, says. "When he's ready, he'll let you know."

How frustratingly true...

You are lucky when you meet a man despite the waiting game makes it all worthwhile for you.
Something unacceptable (the waiting I mean) for us ladies to fathom at times but we love them all the same.

Food for you and my thoughts ;)

+++++++++++

If you must also know I am suffering stinging sharp on my shoulder area. I have been badly sunburned. I was as red as a lobster 2 days ago but now I'm close to looking like a dark mug of mocha.

It was silly when Farah and myself were complaining how badly painful it was. The slightest touch hurts so much. Then we bimbos were talking to our shoulders, apologizing profusely how they have been taken for granted all these while. We have learned to appreciate how sensitive they can be. Theoretically speaking your shoulders carries your burden everyday. You might not get me but due to this the presence of the shoulders are felt more then ever. Ha ha.

So friends if we meet this week, please be kind and do not grab me by my shoulders. Or even give a hard pat/tap on it.

The face has start to peel too..Haiz oh joy. And Sinah's engagement is Saturday, I have given up to look my best on that day already.

2008-03-28T13:06:00.002+08:00

sometimes my silence and random smiles are actually cry for help..

but who can help without them sniggering at you..?

2008-03-27T01:18:00.004+08:00

I have been under the weather the past few days.
5 Days of being home was god sent!
I have to admit the past few weeks hasn't been good with the lioness, I had been coming back late and of course which mother would be pleased to see her daughter who cannot stay put at home for long. So mama had been very grumpy with me.

Hence, being sick was a blessing in disguise. We catch up with each other the past few days, especially since the sister is away in OBS (come to think of it she is the one who is mostly away from home then when I was at her age.) and yesterday I spent my day with her going to JB. Dropped by Larkin to make her happy and then off we went to City Square and I treat her to lunch at House of Sundanese, heh I was quite romantic. Unfortunately, the hefty amount paid did not do justice to the food we ate. It was not good and the service was horrible.

Luckily, it was all forgotten when I was on retail spree. My god, I love shopping my stuff in JB. F.O.S and Padini are my mecca for wardrobe updates, affordable and stylish. With everything up to 70% sale, I almost went berserk. I tried badly to curb since there is quite a number of friends who are celebrating their birthdays this month and early next month, birthdays aside from the last couple of weeks and more weeks to come wedding and engagement invitations have been lining up, followed by of course my monthly responsibilities of utilities bills and whatnots, and finally for the arrival of my most expensive purchase next month. Ouh not forgetting this weekend too!

But mama was so jolly telling me 'come on, spend. Don't stop yourself, everything is at a good price!'. In the end, I went back with 2 new shades (which I have a reason to need because my dear sister had been messing around with my other shades and spoiled them), 2 tank tops which have super cool design and errm ok a modest of just 4 nice bottoms. Plus a birthday gift for a friend at work! Hey, for the amount spent I saved quite a lot if the items were sold on usual price!

And today, further damage was done but I shall not complain so much about this. I got myself a good book at Borders. Yay! Something I have been pushing myself to get, since reading is now an abandoned pastime. It's about time I do something about it and re-ignite back my passion for reading :). I also got myself a magazine and some biscuits for mama at marks&spencer.

I think there are a couple of more things to be purchase to anticipate this weekend. I hope I have time to scram around and get it.

Can't wait! Need it to reboot!

2 more days ladies! just 2 more days!

+++++++++++

Baidah have me addicted to this song. Thanks la babe!

I like the music video too :). Enjoy!

Realize By Colbie Caillat

'We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but

It's not the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other'

2008-03-21T11:15:00.002+08:00

I am taking a step back to look at the bigger picture of the painting (in this case I'm trying to refer to my life). Jolted by thoughts about how reverse actually things can seem to be if you look harder and analyze.

Sorry to say, most of the time I refuse to see the good side of things. Maybe a part of me which have been very guarded all these while makes it difficult. This is my flaw but it has always been my sheath, preventing bane from occurring more often then not.

But just as every individual have their own interpretation of the painting, my judgment could be wrong. So now I have two. One positive and another negative. To balance things up as they say. Consequences may arise, either good or bad. Bordering on after what was said last night I guess I should give it the benefit of the doubt.

Because as much as I am strong headed and very skeptical about the things I view, one thing for sure I never stop short of myself from giving it a second chance. If I am right, I can be so darn smug about it but if I am wrong I believe I deserve myself a pat on the back because I am willing to see my perception proved to be false.

My personal thanks for that particular knock in the head (with countless of 360degrees eyes rolling which only she is capable of doing) followed by that very much needed hug in the end. And also thank you to other one who was kind in words and never stringent in giving me words of comfort very early in the morning. To you who I met yesterday, thank you for expressing your concern and love the other day but I truly appreciate of the talk we had over onion rings and fries. You gave me your point of view and I am enlightened. Thank you also for the night out last 2 weeks, that heart to heart cavana dinner, followed by another session of caffeine rush over silly mind games. Thank you all. Because I am loved.

+++++++++++

To the man who is having the time of his life in Bali, just in case you cannot help yourself and sneak for a peek here, I have nothing ugly to say really. Looking forward to see the photos you promised to share with me when you come back.

Ouh and in case you forget, please don't leave Bali without sending my regards and love. I will to be there when time permits to witness the beauty of the land myself.

2008-03-17T01:45:00.005+08:00

Today I call it A day of Inspiration!

Ok probably nothing inspiring to know I have been 'conned' in a way, but thank god by meeting 2 nice guys today I have a clearer picture of what is going on and as anxious as everyone these days with planning their life ahead, I too have jumped in the wagon and decide that this will be fruitful in years to come.

And and!! What is it about movies with hip hop moves, sleek choreograph and heart thumping music which makes you feel like dancing in your seat or in fact wished that you can groove exactly like that? Yes, not totally hardcore but Step Up 2 is the shit! The dance moves you know, once in awhile it is nice to watch something entertaining. But of course reality check, I cant shake my bon bon for nuts, however I would love to do a dance themed drama, Singapura style baby ;) Imagine how cool will that be? Have you ever give it a thought and explore? I have seen kids here who were just as passionate about hip hop dance and it would be a nice experience to use beats produced from our local scene don't you think? I absolutely love the tracking shots during all the dance sequence! Erm, yes it will be totally hopeless for me to observe all their impressive moves so instead I observed something else which is second nature to me.

Anyways, Rajan got himself a drill driver! And I had the influencing power to make him decide which to purchase. I mean why Bosch and not Black & Decker. So glad he decided to buy the later, the orange was much more attractive then the Blue & Green from Bosch. I was also browsing through car mats, why is it so blah and dull? I wish there is a nice purple available.

Finally, the most inspiring moment had to be when Farah and me shared a few online shopping sites. I have made up my mind I will be updating my wardrobe online come April. Efficient isn't it?

See we ladies thought of ways to minimize the suffering of our boyfriends. Less shopping sessions for you to endure. Sweetness isn't it? Fine, a momentary silly thought for us to feel less guilty for spending. But seriously, I can't wait to make the purchase! Everything look so nice, I kept bugging Farah, how how?? If I pretend to ignore my conscious I will be spending like no tomorrow. Sigh...

Alright ladies! Let's countdown to 2 more weeks ok?

I still need to hunt down something girly and flirty. Yes it is a need. So do not question a woman's idiosyncrasy, hear me?

_________________

And since I am so inspired by Step Up 2, it is only natural that there are a few tracks from the movie I just love! It's dope y'all!

I feel you Cassie!

I'm looking for a lover not a friend
Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep me real and who knows (the way)
The way I like to have it my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking you're the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? (Could you be?)
Could you be the one I need?

I'm looking for someone to share my pain (Uh)
Someone who I can run to, who would stay with me when it rains
Someone who I can cry with through the night
Someone who I can trust whose heart is right
And I'm looking for someone

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep me real and who knows (the way)
The way I like to have it my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinking on the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be this one I need?

Someone who won't take me for granted
How much I care (How much I care)
And appreciates that I'm there
Someone who listens
And someone I can call who isn't afraid of love to share

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

~Cassie~

But still he doesn't get it WHY..

2008-03-15T02:45:00.006+08:00

The Leap Years was inexplicably beautiful in it's own unique way..
I could describe in so many ways but you have to watch it to understand.

The movie is highly recommended. Not only for lost souls and forlorn lovers but for anyone who believes in it.
Be less judgmental. I think all of us have been hard on ourselves.

Now if only we could pop by next door the neighbour's office Raintree, and request if the soundtrack is available somehow or somewhere. Because I very much like the songs in the movie.

Sigh.. I had watch 2 sappy movies in a week, PS I LOVE YOU and THE LEAP YEARS, it is beginning to take a toll on myself especially when the vulnerability is kicking in. Watching them makes me feel impatient to fall in love all over again.

To fall in love with the right person who makes the amount of substantially long time waiting for him all worth it. I can't wait to know him. Well this is besides the point I'm trying to say here but let's not prolong this. I can't stand being lovesick, it is too sickening too bear especially when it's undefined and unhealthy.

Time for hardcore movies/films to kick in. Yes I badly need to be hardcore A.S.A.P in the most sane possible ways.

++++++++++++++++++
And a little bit of visual to ease up the stale page, overdue photos from Sinaran Hati

++++++++++++++++++

If Im not in love with you
What is this Im going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you, baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If Im not in love with you

And if I dont need your touch
Why do I miss you so much
Tonight
If its just infatuation then
Why is my heart aching
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought Id never
Give again to someone I could lose
If Im not in love with you

Why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Lovers lost in sweet desire
Why in dreams do I surrender
Like a little baby
Someone help explain this feeling
Someone tell me

If Im not in love with you
What is this Im going through
Tonight
And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If Im not in love with you

~Faith Hill~

2008-03-14T02:38:00.000+08:00

I am not blunt, mean or cruel just so I could spite you.
I didn't shut you out months before not because I was selfish.
I had hope very much you would asked why but it didn't seem important to you to know.

As much as you deny the truth, I saw the look in your eyes when you talk about her..
And then it dawned on me things will never change.
What does it take to get you to talk fondly like that about me?

You know, you might seemed glad to have met me once more but how I wish I could feel the same way.
You will never see beyond this shield, this disappointment.

I was moving on along fine and just like that I have crumble down again.

I will never be able to tell you all this affront because I know for sure how you will reciprocate.

Told you before I couldn't be a friend to you anymore and that notion still stands, my friend.

I am sorry..

2008-03-10T02:40:00.002+08:00

Daily Single's Love (Cancer)
March 10, 2008

The pieces aren't adding up, and you're beginning to get suspicious.
Before you react emotionally, give the other person a chance to speak.
The truth might be far less juicy than the story you've imagined.

This was extracted out from my LoveScope Application in Friendster. I didn't realised I had actually added this to my profile.

Anyways the prediction is a bit spooky, somehow this may apply to a current situation. Funny how we are talking again to each other, and the last 2 lines above was what he said of me. I have not heard his full explaination yet albeit he promised he will soon. It's not anything because we never had anything in the first place. A very complicated matter I must say. I cannot define it myself.

Bottomline is, sometimes I decide with my heart instead with my head. And it would usually proved that my gut feeling was right. Then again I could be wrong this time? All I hate was not being told the whole truth and being lied at. Evading what happened does not make two wrongs right. I bet this sounds familiar to him.

Ok he might be reading this but whatever.. The irony of horoscopes I tell you. That's all, nothing else. I forget about this when I wake up later. Haha, Monday blues is a bigger matter then this alright bluerghh!

2008-03-09T16:10:00.005+08:00

We had an unexpected Love Bleeds (the title of our indie short film produced together) reunion the other time at Amara, Blue Mist Bar.

It was my first meeting with the guys for this year after they came back from Brazil. Kiko and Shashi was also there. As usual I was the last one to arrive, heh. What a joy to see familiar faces who make you smile without even speaking a word! They greeted me boisterously, haha very homely indeed. Just like the old times. Amara used to be our usual hang out before we were driven by career.

Did lots of catching up with Rajan and Durai sharing stories about their trip. The ultimate endearing news was Durai now is in a relationship to a Brazilian lady, hence the reason for the trip in the first place WHICH they failed to let me know in the first place. I could not stop gushing how happy I was for him! Eventhough I am the baby of the group being the youngest. At times, I am the mother to these boys. Durai even said, he wish his mother was more excited as I was.

Besides that, the boys as usual had taken advantage how naive I can be when they brilliantly cooked up a story that Shashi got married last december and had converted into a Muslim (it all started from this because I got annoyed I wasn't invited ,their alibi was Rajan failed to inform since they were away), changed his name to Ahmed and he got a car for his wedding gift from his wealthy daddy in law who was a money changer. Shashi surprisingly was good at playing along as well! See how easy for me to trust people?! I was so pissed when they revealed that it was a joke but of course they were laughing up their asses. The joke actually survived the entire time before we were heading back. I have to admit, there were geniuses.

Ended the night with Shashi driving us in circles at CBD area supposedly looking for that petrol kiosk Durai insisted existed only in his deluded mind. By then, the 3 of us were adamant not to send him back to Spottiswoode, a stone's away from CBD area and to drive all the way back to woodlands where we live. It couldn't be that he was drunk after 2 mugs. Must be the jitters he was feeling since his girlfriend is arriving in Singapore the next day.

Speaking of which, I can't help overhearing Shashi's conversation with his REAL other half while he was driving me and Rajan back home. The teacher told his partner who is also a teacher in a different school;

'Let's do breakfast tomorrow, i'll pick you up'

This simple statement shook me real hard. Not in a horny way you fools, heh.

I think it says as much, when you love someone you go as far as the other end of the world just to see her or in this case being madly in love and to meet someone so early in the morning will get you by for the rest of the day. It's mere gesture any tom dick or harry could think of but I guess the sincerity in his voice was what made me go soft in the heart.

Most of the time I maybe in denial or icky when men I have sort of dated tried to be mushy. I will immediately scoffed back at him to stop being corny. It's a contradicting personality for someone who loves anything romantic. But truly, I guess I am still looking for someone who is being mushy because he is really crazy about me not because he thinks it had been done before and worked like a charm to other 15 girls he had dated to impress.

But you tell me if i am asking too much how come I am so moved by the simple words conveyed by a friend to his girlfriend as such?

It's not all about big fireworks, flowers, luxury dinners and 10 carat diamonds and all that shenanigans to impress me.

'Let's do breakfast tomorrow, i'll pick you up'

It's things like this will suffice and proves how much you value a person. If you analyze the line deeper. It was not a question but more an act of love in the statement.

Haha ok I am not trying to speak cynically like Meredith Grey or neither am I trying to be Carrie Bradshaw.

Man has to realise the wrong perceptions that they have towards their ladies. Perhaps the next time you complain to your buddy how irritating your girlfriend was when she makes a big deal that you didn't get her anything for Valentine's day and your principle is Everyday is a Valentine's day (i so think this line is over rated as well), think again there could be 2 conclusions. One your girlfriend is a whiny bimbo or two you haven't been an attentive partner all the while thus clinging on to the concept of Valentine's day to expect you to be appreciative of her. We do not need gifts,although we don't complain and are more then happy to receive but a simple act of sweetness to remind her how important she is in your life will make 14th Feb like any other day in the calendar.

And I don't know how the supposedly meeting with my friends could turn into an overdue Valentine's day entry. Seriously, don't ask me why. Heh I just feel like ranting away.

On the other hand, I have more to look forward starting by the end of this month. The best friend's birthday is in April, oh goody! Baidah and myself are so excited just by planning it. If only we could decide what to get her?

And then a surprise of my own awaits me, I know it's in April but as to which date I am not certain. Suspense building up rapidly. Adjustments has to be made. For it's arrival will change my life forever!

What is it?

It shall be my little secret for now ;) With the exception of the few close ones who knows.

Shhhh...

2008-03-07T01:52:00.007+08:00

In the period that I have been working with the company I am in, I had never been seated in the audience gallery for our live shows. Well, most of the time we are the ones who produced the specials or major live tv shows.

But tomorrow, this will be a change. Since Pesta Pesta Pesta is produced by Najib's company Dua M, our company has been invited to watch the show. A different perspective I must say, and I guess once in awhile it is nice to be seated and watch other people run the show.

The thing is, the theme is Sports Glam. I have been cracking my already numbing brain to define the theme the best I can. I didn't think I would be going to watch until the mdm at work insisted we must go. Thus, the past few days had been me assisting a friend who is being nominated in one of the categories to shop for her clothes.

As we were going through the stores after work today to get the complete look for her outfit, I was also looking out for mine. So far nothing has looked appealing or much less scream out to me 'I am the one!!'.

This sucks, although I would usually dress up formally during our shows I never tried hard enough to look glamorous. Didn't think it was necessary since I will be either running around back stage or at the panel upstairs. Thus, wearing the most glittering dress will be such a waste. So you see why this is pretty much a dilemma? Not only for me actually, the rest of us are still pondering over what would be apt to wear at the very last minute especially when we barely have ample time to go out and prepare.

I came back earlier and stared at my wardrobe collection, which is sombre looking by the way. Sadness. Frustration. It's crazy. I did not purchase anything at all except for a sweat shirt that was eye catching. It was a men's sweatshirt. Yes I have a knack for liking men's sweatshirts. I just had to get it, it does not look too glam for tomorrow but I thought this is nice to wrap myself in when I am in the office. The temperature can equate to being in the North Pole (Pun intended).

Since it is a men's sweat shirt (I prefer to believe it's unisex), I had bought the smallest size of course. Not too big but comfy enough. This may sound strange but wearing it kinda make me feel sexy. Like you know wearing your boyfriend's sweat shirt. I recalled when I used to loan my ex's sweat shirt when he was outstation or travelling, his sweat shirt was my constant companion everywhere I go, while I was taking notes in class and also at night when I went to sleep. His scent lingers, the familiarity of his favourite perfume was what I sought in replace of his physicality. Sigh.. Sorry I am digressing.

Worse come to worse I might just be wearing that. The glam factor would be only the gold studs font. Otherwise, I think I should stop here and do some mini research on this and see how i can get away with it tomorrow night. No matter what, a mini shopping of sorts should be due tomorrow. Egad!!!

I am actually looking forward to this weekend not tomorrow. My precious sleeping time awaiting and I cant wait to meet a few people to spend with :)

+++++++++

Do you know how delighted I was when this song won the Oscar! So Close was the other favourite but I like the melody to this one. The strings of the acoustic guitar is simply beautiful.

'Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along'

2008-02-26T09:01:00.001+08:00

As of right now, I am still at work packaging the final episode for the season of S Trek. (Time - 3.46am)

I never actually disclose elaborately what kind of projects I am working on as I do not deem it was necessary for everyone to know but today I am making an exception because of the faith and much hope I have for this programme.

Then again I am not so sure if any of you, be it my friends or you silent readers had ever catch the show on TV. It was shown every Tuesday, 10.30pm on Suria Channel. It had made it's debut on the 4th of Dec last year. In fact this is the second season :)

So for those who don't know, S Trek is actually an info-ed sports programme. It is the only sports programme on Suria to be specific.

++++++++++++++++

Time Update: 9.05

I wanted to write more but I just lost it. Reached home and in dire need to sleep.

But I urge you all to watch S TREK tonight. Last episode and the content is exciting! YOG y'all!

I mean it's not everyday I do self promo for the programmes which I worked on you know ;)

And it's my baby. More about that later.

2008-02-25T08:15:00.003+08:00

I have trouble deciding between 2 shades of blue color. Between the dark or light colored.

It is extremely important that I make the right decision.

But why do I have a feeling I will fall back on to the silver colored one, which was the original plan anyway..

Sigh..

2008-02-16T01:38:00.006+08:00

You know your mind was still racing even when you're sleeping,
When your mom woke you up and you said
'Basketball postpone la, Basketball postpone'.

Yes, you are reading about her. I don't know is it because it was the result of being present at the Singapore Slingers match the night before and to swoon at every slam dunking being made or I am also positive the variations of attractive looking m-e-n at the spectators seats was haunting me even in my sleep or I have been thinking too much about work.. Pretty much the later I presume.

Either way, I think this is bad.

And while all of you are pinning to watch 'P.S I Love You',
I had just finished catching up to watch '27 Dresses', which is a little bit overdue.
But I call it my post valentine movie with me,myself and I.

Uh huh, as usual it was excruciating because I somehow relate to the protagonist.
Then again, everyone knows how much I love sappy movies. It instill what hope and faith I have left ;). Yeah roll your eyes all you want. I don't care.

Till Later, you all.

+++++++++++

I am aiming to be somebody this somebody trusts
With her delicate soul
I don't claim to know much except soon as you start
To make room for the parts
That aren't you it gets harder to bloom in a garden of
Love love love love
Love Love love love
~Sara Bareilles 'Bottle It Up'~

2008-01-30T10:03:00.000+08:00

Some may wonder, but hello!

Rest assured I am still here breathing :).

2008-01-19T23:25:00.000+08:00

My sincere apologies to Shidah who I am very sure was in constant agony every time you came here and expect an update. I assure you, there were so many instances I was in the spur of the moment gearing up to pen down my most random thoughts besides wanting to do the usual updates here.

So let's do this quickly before I fall weak into the arms of exhaustion once again.

Every time I came back from meeting my girlfriends, I feel rejuvenated. I think all girlfriends have some sort of super magical powers to make us feel that way. Must be due to all the chaos that came with it. Chaos filled with so much chortling and silly bantering. The in betweens of following up with each other's daily soap operas compressed into 4 hours. We shared past experiences, consoled one dear friend who is fresh from a break up, exchange future plans, we talked dirty (!!), deliberating each other's worries, expressing our skeptical towards men behavior, and then the all interesting scenario when we saw the 'ex' belonging to one of us walking pass by which resulted her getting heart palpitations. He is one jerk we are all glad she got rid off. Heh.

All these done over at the Airport, we indulged ourselves with all things ocean from fish and co, and then proceed to satisfy our sweet tooth with cakes and caffeine.

One was missing in action due to unforseen circumstances but I agree with you Shidah, the least we could do is to meet up once in awhile like this. Not only to keep each other sane but to let ourselves know that it's friends like these which makes it our defining moments :)

p/s: Yaya I know that high chances you are reading these, I just want you to know how delighted I was to meet you in awhile. You are you all over again, let's say you are always the 'Phoebe' in our gang. The quirky one with the most interesting random accidents which will have us all howling with laughter. I adore you. You are strong and you will heal. Have faith :)

2008-01-08T09:00:00.000+08:00

I spent 4 days and 3 nights in Desaru last weekend. It was the first time in my life albeit the place is just a short journey away from our island.

The sole purpose of the visit was we were there to cover Monsoon Mayhem, a surfing competition organized by a group of dedicated Singaporean fellas whose passionate about the sport. Everything from accommodation right up to food was being sponsored by the kind people of Tourism Malaysia.

Despite the normal frustrations due to work, I had so much fun there!

Let me highlight the "awesome-ness" in points:

- To soak into the surfing culture; with music blasting on the beach it was almost like a beach party. Grooving to the sounds of nice remixes of hip hop, rnb, reggae, house and trance music.

- Basking in the whole new atmosphere and observing my surroundings broaden my horizon.

- I got myself a tattoo y'all!!

(And I am so estactic about it!)

-Getting my morning fix-es of 'whoa' when I saw the raging waves which was awaiting hungry surfers to ride them on.

- I have mentioned it before and I'll repeat it now, I love having my breakfast with the sea view as the serving.

- When you have great company who can come up with crazy things to do, it was simply a whale of a time. Created a ruckus playing poker games with deadly dares for the losers, my luck wasnt so good when I ended up kissing not 1 but 4 arse. And I cannot believe I just revealed that!

-Getting Freebies(!!)

-Last night in Desaru was a tale to share. Whatever stress and grim issues I had in me was forgotten as the guys did the unexpected when I among some of my team members was being thrown into the swimming pool after one another! It was crazy, insane! I thought I was safe and before I know it I was struggling and screaming, since I am not capable of saving my life! I am definitely not a swimmer! But when it happens, it was one of the most elating episode in my life by far :)

- Parting away with work being accomplished in fact more then we had planned! Fond memories and some new friends. What more could I ask for?

On the last day before we all return to Singapore we had a post tour for the media,the encounter can be described as really humanely engaging. To let the city woman in me loosen up and embrace the much more simple things in Life when we visited Kampung Temenin at KotaTinggi for half a day.

-Early morning breakfast under the the trees with the company of the morning breeze and the warmth welcome from the village people set me at ease immediately.. The best nasi lemak with the most excellent sambal I ever tasted sprinkled with crunchy ikan bilis, rendang chicken you wouldn't want to say no. Hey! We even had lemang! Still hot and piping straight from the bamboo and some traditional Malay Kuehs. Even the tea and coffee was heaven sent :).

-We met people from the village who were more then happy to show us around. I reveled myself on visiting fish ponds, goats farm, chicken farm, look at many plantations. Speaking of which I must share with you guys one of my wish came true! This may sound absurd but I have always wanted to tap a rubber tree..no joke! So when I was told that we were going to visit the rubber tree plantations imagine the instant glee of excitement I was feeling! There was definitely no doubt I was the first eager participant to volunteer and try tapping the rubber tree! It was really cool, and I was feeling like a kid all over again who just got on her first carousel ride! I even have a video of that to prove you!

That is if all the photos and video will not take half a year to be send to me. We'll see how ;)

And Ok ok ok, just in case if it bothers you, I did not get myself a real tattoo. It was cool while it last and furthermore it was thrilling to see how my parents reacted to it. Mama went ballistic for awhile and was confident that it was real. The dad, however was nonchalant about it and I took it he has a lot of faith and trust in me that I will never resort to such things. He knows right away it was fake. Haha, nevertheless it was a kick just to see mama's over-reaction! I swear she almost disown me!

++++++++++++++++++

One of the songs which I could not get enough of when it was playing at the Desaru Beach!

It's gettin late
I'm making my way over to my favorite place
I gotta get my body moving shake the stress away
I wasn't looking for nobody when you looked my way
Possible candidate (yeah)
Who knew
That you'd be up in here lookin like you do
You're makin' stayin' over here impossible
Baby I must say your aura is incredible
If you dont have to go don't

I wanna take you away
Lets escape into the music
DJ let it play
I just can't refuse it
Like the way you do this
Keep on rockin to it
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the music

p/s: Ladies cant wait to see you guys this Saturday!! So many things to share! La la la! See ya!!

2008-01-04T01:50:00.000+08:00

I do not want to be left out on the customary new year's entry as I always have for the past 3 years. Might be a little late but what the hell right. I am gonna try to do a short one. I am sacrificing what little time I have in my hands especially during this ungodly hours.

2007? Let's do away with the usual 'ups and downs', because every year there was never a time I am without the either ups or downs. All I can conclude is, it had been bittersweet. Sweet being it had been a really 'productive' year for me and as a person I have grown more mindful of my surroundings. Bitter being some episodes which was difficult for me to swallow, one significant was about a stranger who crosses path with me more then a year and half back and for awhile gave me a lingering hope but to end it all walking away without a single bit of guilt or much less give a thought to my feelings. At the end of it all, it's really irony he had became the stranger again all of a sudden. 'He' was a fleeting existence at a point of my life and come to think of it although I learnt a thing or two from the brief so called friendship relationship it could also be considered a waste of my emotional time. Having to feel he could have been is not something should be practice as frequently in future. Then again we all keep making the same mistakes over and over.

2008? Let's see how it progresses, so far so good. I have been annoying for the past couple of days by being extra perky around certain people who happen to have my first lunch for 2008 with me, or when i had my first ice cream for 2008 ahaha and amazingly today was my first gym session for 2008 (special mention to Kak Massy!). Unbelievably surprising how you dont plan and just do it. I hope it will turn into a routine :)

And then again, finally I am positive and still believe so much in hope that someone special is out there. Dating is getting weary and no man can hold my attention for more then 5mins. An independent man, witty, a sense of adventure in his life, definitely not clingy and at the same time not afraid to bare his soul is very appealing to me. Call me naive but this is what makes me who I am and what I want. Everyone has their own right to be fussy you know.

So I hope 2008 will be another dramatic year for me and you too :) It is much more exciting when it has a lot of over the top incidents to be unfold, worthwhile memories to be kept. Who knows what I will be blogging about at the end of the year and look back . Uh huh, I know this year will zoom by quickly!

Happy 2008 to each one of you who reads my humble space :)

*Honestly I should be packing my stuff for tomorrow night before I leave for the weekend instead of blogging but somehow it's more thrilling to do it last minute again. Yeps, procrastination is not going to be vanquish, it's in-built ;)

+++++++++++++++++++++++

A parting song of sorts (true Kak Mas?)..

It still hurts you know..

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover Lyrics

"Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow. "

2008-01-02T02:40:00.000+08:00

Just because...

I wanna share :)

2007-12-28T14:01:00.000+08:00

In a blink of an eye, I am already back home in the comfort of my own room.

To summarize my short trip, KL was a breather. To escape for awhile and soak into a different atmosphere is refreshing. This was not my first time visiting the city but nonetheless what I enjoyed most was the coach ride to and fro. Then again it has always been like that for me.

To watch the never ending plantations,
The small villages in existence, a rare sight of cows and goats,
And pretty much everything else that we passed by will always intrigue my interest.
For once in awhile, the eyes was taken in by a different scenarios. Due to this my mind became lighter and clearer, knowing that I am miles away from home. Before I know it I start to wonder and reflect situations in my life.

Anywayssss...

Moving on, I feel like bragging about my shopping purchases spent in KL,hehee
- 5 Footwears; these are 3 pairs of really nice flats, 1 pair of sandals and 1 pair of thong slippers
- a few tops, formal looking tops, some nice pants and most importantly I got myself a really pretty dress! Which my mama picked by the way.
- some accessories

and my favourite item coincidentally was the last item I bought which will also be my current muse is a very stylish looking MIU MIU Bag!! Love it! I am quite surprise I managed to buy what I had set out to get, no regrets in all the things I got myself. The taste of satisfaction is wonderful and my appetite for retail therapy has been greatly appease!

Family's happy and I am happy. Now back to work again, new year's gonna come in a few days time. Cant believe this year went by quickly...

p/s: Saw a very attractive man in KL, one that made me float instead of walk. I was gushing all the way back to the hotel about him with mama since she saw him too. Apparently mama said he turned to look at me twice, and me obviously being me I don't usually like to stare at good looking man for long. My hyperventilating overwhelms me, hence why. Darn I should have held longer to the eye contact. It was very movie like, I was laughing with my sister as we went down the escalator and he was laughing his head back at the same time,you might not get the gist here but there was this electricity I felt which went all the way down to my spine. It tingles. Sigh.. Oh well, what can I do, heh I felt I was looking shabby after shopping, nothing about me was attractive at that moment. Prolly he thought the same thing and had to look twice??

Haha alright this is rather a long p/s, I shall stop here for now :)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Can you tell me how we got in this situation,
I can’t seem to get you off my mind,
all these ups and downs,
they trip up our good intentions,
nobody said this was easy ride.

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’ after all

Can we get back to the point of this conversation,
when we saw things through each others eyes,
cause now all I see is ruin and devastation,
we all need some place we can hide inside and

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’

I’m smart enough to know,
that life goes by,
and it leaves a trail of broken bones behind,
if you feel I’m letting go,
just give me time,
I’ll come running to your side,

Can you tell me how we got in this situation,
I can’t seem to get you off my mind cause

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’"
~Human By Jon Mclaughlin~

2007-12-26T12:40:00.000+08:00

'Lis, u r the only person we can never forget apart from our family...'

Rajan and Durai have already flew off to Brazil. It still kills me that they went without me. Sigh..thus with those words said, the jealousy has simmered down quite a bit.

Those 2 man need the trip after all, they have been working their ass off throughout the year.. So other then me wishing them to have a lot of fun and also a lot of mind blowing sex,heh yes I literally said that the boys took my words and promise they will behave themselves.. I just hope they dont attract hot gay men because they have the magnetism to somehow get the attention. If that happens I made them promise me back to share every single details plus only explicit photos allowed..

They are coming back on the 8th, those boys will be missed.. ouh Rajan also agreed to spread the word to all gorgeous men in Brazil nice and sweet things about me but I have to do the same while I am in KL.. So KL, the 2 boys are out to conquer Brazil or so they think..heh

Speaking of which, I am updating this from all the way in KL in my hotel room. It is really convenient when you have free access to Internet. I brought my laptop since as of now I'm still working from here.. The parents have went out to Jalan Masjid India to spend. Good luck to the dad who has to tolerate the lioness. She will surely take awhile before she thinks there is nothing much else to shop there.

I have not done any damage to my pocket yet. I bought a few clothes yesterday but nothing much appeals to me yet. The shopping crowd here scares me. Today I feel better (im not feeling well by the way), and the spending urge is slowly kicking in. Sales are everywhere here in Kuala Lumpur, so many sales its no wonder why I still have a hard time to decide what I should buy. I came here with a strategy. To spend my money wisely, and so far it works. But with so many temptations the beast in me will be unleash later today, crowds or no crowds.

See this is what happens when you have a woman who has been deprived from shopping for the last few months ;)

Laterz!

2007-12-23T04:42:00.000+08:00

I am still awake at this hour just because I cannot afford to go to sleep and have to be awake again in 2 hours time.. Sigh, one of those days I simply do not look forward working on a Sunday.

Having spent a lovely time in JB the entire whole of Saturday, oh wait let me correct that! An entire whole of Saturday and an early part of Sunday with a wonderful bunch of people was time well spent in a while.. Did so many things, had so much fun and I got to watch a movie! An activity which I refer to as a luxury these days. Not in terms of cost but more like it's been awhile since I went out and watch movies very often. I remembered how I used to watch like 4 movies in a week.

'I am Legend' is good. Well Will Smith look good enough to eat.. hehe

Ok this is seriously me talking nonsense with my structure of sentences will make any english teacher cry blood because I am trying my very very very best to not fall asleep!!

I really could not wait for Christmas day to come!!!

Two more day Lis just Two more days.. Hang In there!

2007-12-17T10:48:00.000+08:00

I just have to say this here, like now! Desperate! The urgency!
My god it still feels so surreal that Hady Mirza had clinched the title of being the first Asian Idol!!

No one predicted him to win. He was being bashed by Paul Moss for struggling with his vocals, in fact Paul sounded a bit too personal with all his comments. But even so, Hady stood his way through it all looking unruffled and smile respectfully at the bad things which was hurled at him.
For being a good sport and without showing any disappointment on his face, I am shameless to say I was proud of him.

Its pretty obvious that for a certainty, many people did not have much faith and hope for him to be the Asian Idol. But still we want him to win the Asian Idol! This must be due to the patriotism that we have for our nation for some selfish reasons. Heh. We know the tough competitions he was up against. I for one assumed that Mike would win because well, he was competing in his homeland surely the mass population there would back him up, then my feelings was tied between Mau and Jac because there is no doubt those 2 have the best vocals amongst the 6 and finally my bet of an unexpected winner would be Vy since she was the hottest and look very commercial for an Asian Idol though I dont have the slightest idea what she was mouthin to when she was singing 'I love Rock&Roll'..

And if i can sound corny and mushy about this, deep deep inside my heart I really really want Hady to win! I have people around me commenting how bad Hady performed. I beg to differ because I think his performance was the only other contestant who sang his way through with ease. He didn't showed or rather people qoute he do not have a prowess vocals just like the rest who was singing at the top of their lungs. Hady he just sang, you know. His sincere performance of the song 'Berserah', I can bet every penny must have captivated most of the ladies in Indon and his rendition of Bono's song 'Beautiful Day' wasn't so bad at all. He's not a rock star you all and therefore he made the song his own. I believe he was enjoying himself on stage, winning was the least concern he had. Even the judge from India commented he was a cool guy.

Sigh, my heart almost stopped when his name was being announced but recovered in less then a jiffy to scream along with the whole family!! Even the dad joined in too! And yes I was surprise he voted for Hady! God the feeling was even better when Man United won it's match against Liverpool, the other death match everyone was talking about yesterday.

He is the talk of the town today, congratulations :) I am just happy that...ehem, let me say this corny and mushy thingy again, hehe..

He actually made Singapore proud. Hady Mirza the First Asian Idol, now that's got to be something aye..?

Baidah's very own Spa Party

2007-12-16T03:46:00.001+08:00

Alright, alright so it took me more then a day to update. No! More then a week in fact!

Please forgive me, as much as I am very enthusiastic about updating the wonderful time I had with you beautiful ladies but apparently work, food, work, work, home, sleep is taking up most of my time and yes in that order. Thank you very much.

I can only afford a brief summary of last Saturday's surprise (you will know why and can know more by the time you reach the last paragraph) which went very well almost perfect actually!

Baidah celebrated her birthday on the 28 of November which unfortunately we were not able to celebrate her birthday on time because of a few valid reasons. Reasons which Miss Baidah does not need to know,heh.

So Elfy, Shidah and myself came up with a brilliant surprise that will stunned the birthday girl out of her mind but at the same time benefits the 3 of us as well..hehee.. We all decided to have a Spa Party exclusively, specially for her at Spa Le Kraton (highly recommended by Miss Lini). The Spa was close for the next 3 hours just for the 4 of us!!

As you have already read, Baidah wasnt please to know we were heading to Serangoon and had to be punctual no less. Imagine her horror when we wanted to do something more fun and exciting, the all classical but very the IN-NOW to blindfold her before we reach our destination which she was totally cluEless about!

Haha to see her expression when she found out was priceless! A Spa Virgin she was, it was a day she will remember for long time to come.. Now everyone go 'awww'.. hehee.. The Spa Party was a delight to everyone, the massage, the body scrub and of course the highlight of the party was the ritual bath where the 4 of us soaked ourselves in a tub and enjoy the warm water with chocolate fondue and sparkling champagne to keep us high with joy! Oh let's not forget the traditional cake cutting for the lucky birthday girl!

For me to describe on and on will do injustice to the time we had at the Spa..so a tiny little surprise (of sort) one more for you babe, I did a online scrapbook with the photos we have. I hope you like it because you know what this is also the thing which kept me from updating sooner! It sure took me awhile to complete this with the little time I have.

Take a look at it and smile, well I did after it was done heh.. Love ya babe!

To the rest, I believe the Birthday Girl indeed have a much more better entry to share with regards to celebrating her Birthday with us at her multiply page. So head on here and read her side of the story plus you will enjoy it more there, just because you can look at more photos then it is here. Heh. But ehem, apologies if some photos will result to you getting sore eyes. Don't say I never warn you.

2007-12-13T02:31:00.000+08:00

Taking in the consideration that my dear friend couldn't hold the suspense a bit longer since she let the cat out of the bag..

So for now I just have this...

Yes, the surprise for Miss Siti Nurbaidah was to pamper her with a much needed relaxing affair for the mind, soul and especially body!

Hehe give me another day please..? The need to express how lovely our day was spent is uncontainable but for now I am pretty dead beat..

My feelings were cheated a few times and promises were broken. Too many bad news in a day can really take a toll on oneself.. Oh stop yourself from thinking otherwise heh, I'm talking about work alright.

Sigh..

When I have people who cancelled my filming appointments, the panic mode can only get too much, to a point whereby I or rather Kak Lini and I got numb of thinking solutions. Thank god, up to date everything ended well today..

Let's hope tomorrow I will not be wash over with another major panic wave.. I simply couldn't handle it if this occurs everyday for the rest of the series. Never have been this bad..

Now Lis breathe in ...and..out, and I believe sleep might do me some good ;)

2007-12-09T14:44:00.000+08:00

I had the BESTEST SATURDAY by far in such a long long time, especially when it was with the familiar faces which had known me so so long and so so well.

I love it, I love everything.
My favourite part was getting wet with you ladies and laughing with each other wantonly. Drinking sparkling wine which is not even alcoholic for goodness sake! And still got drunk!
Heh.
And then I realised throughout the entire time we were together (*i repeat) getting wet, we never actually talk about the men in our lives. It was indeed refreshing.

A day out with the girls it was.

Baidah I hope you understand why we were at Serangoon yesterday and there's no doubt you cannot Not enjoy what we had last night!!!

I would really love to share what we did in details, but that would have to wait till Shidah sends me all the photos ;)

And I..will not hold back and share every lurid details there possibly is (but I believe some censorship is due..hehe)

Toodles!

p/s: Kak Lini, it was splendid and all my friends could not stop complimenting how good it was. Thank you!

2007-12-05T02:03:00.000+08:00

Most days it felt like I had threw my life out of the window. Nothing matters. Although the exhaustion which came every night made me feel so wasted.

A conversation I had with my Sunday babes namely Rozi, Farah and her boyfriend whom we affectionately call Birdee (but in actual fact the girlfriend calls him Firdee heh) had me question myself again. The conclusion Rozi had was kinda right and the bullets of questionaire Mr Birdee asked left me stunned heh although I dont show it. I had Farah on my side as a consolation. What was being said, I will not disagree maybe you guys are right I am being very difficult and also I get caught up in everything else too much except for myself. How peculiar! Haha you guys are lucky I was half sober that day.

Anyways, I cant wait for Saturday!It was Baidah's birthday last week so since it is very much belated I had no qualms of letting her know why we are meeting her up on the day.

The belated birthday woman though was not shameless by letting me know she was turn off that we will be heading to little india to spend our Saturday. What I shall tease you with is we can do a million and one things there, like belly dancing on the streets, eating masala thosai lying down, singing to our heart's content so loud at Mustafa centre, basically create havoc la.. Hehe does it scare you yet?

Just keep your mind open, anticipate the least you would expect from us. Despite my busy schedule it wasnt easy wrecking my brain to think of something to do this year, phew.. 10years of celebrating birthdays together and we are all running out of ideas already. So play along and I promise this will be the best birthday ever albeit a bit late but better later then never.

In return, we need your kind assistance to be punctual. There is no reason not to be since you have been booked more then a week ago. We have our reasons why punctuality is very crucial on the day, I am very sure you will be very thrill when you found out why. (Even if your assumption is simply a dinner with the 3 of us it is still very much a surprise no? I mean how often do 4 of us meet these days kan?)

So Happy 23 love! The best has yet to come ...in life, career and eventually romance ;)

2007-11-25T22:47:00.000+08:00

I need to allocate a day to clear the cluttered mess on my desk...
Like seriously..

Its almost a hazard and this is only the desk.. I really envy those people who are able to maintain their workstation neat and tidy.

Anyways Kak Lini and myself were invited to AUDI R8 Media Press Conference last Thursday, other then feeling a bit odd being the only Malays there or at least Malay females I was stunned when the AUDI Car designer introduced the world race driver who was actually seated inches away from me chatting away happily before the presentation started. I was sane enough not to let my jaw dropped but gave Kak Lini a look I believe only she could decipher as 'Oh my god!! I cant believe who he is all along and I think I am going to hyperventilate now!!!' in a very compose manner.

Moving on, the most interesting thing about the Press Con besides the launch of the AUDI R8, was the vintage racing cars which is brought in to Singapore to be displayed at the National Museum till the 2nd of December. It should appeal to those who has deep admiration for automobiles and the mechanics of it.

So I conclude, I must get someone who affords this jewel. But like Kak Lini said, we shouldnt be driving it, we shall get someone to drive us around. I couldn't agree more. I'm not exactly a fan of high performance vehicles but trust me, this one is really a gem.

Ehem I mean the vehicle not the man lah..heh.

But honestly, i am more contented to have a man with a heart of gold.. we can cycle (or rather he cycle) to the sunset together and he offers me a lifetime of abundance romance. awwww mushy kan! I'm soo capable of this and many more,hehee.

2007-11-23T23:06:00.000+08:00

I took the train last Sunday, it was a bad hair day and I had puffy eyes.
What smart way to hide them but with my cap and shades, well it was a good fashionable excuse too.

Little did I know when I turned and took my seat in the train, there was a man behind me. He took a seat opposite mine. So when I adjusted myself properly and made a passing glance to him, I suddenly became mesmerized. This stranger was smiling ..at me. And he was the most gorgeous thing to see so early in the morning. I was quite taken aback that he smileI didn't manage to return him a full one but a lopsided grin.

Why am i making SUCH a big fuss out of this stranger? Nothing much but he had made me realised something, I hadn't drool at any man for the longest time and its good to know I can still receive tingles of excitement when I see someone attractive. This stranger he was tall, very well built his muscles filling in the polo ralph tshirt he was wearing. The outdoorsy type if you get what I mean, heh. His face was such a pleasant to see with a smile which i couldn't resist. I stole a glance at him each time he didnt look my way.

All that lasted only for about 10 mins, 2 stations from woodlands till sembawang. My drop off point. I was reluctant to leave actually..hehee strangely he somehow made my morning that day extra sweet. So sweet that I was jolly happy, I announced to the people at work that I was lucky to meet a greek god on the way to work. In fact the moment I hop off the MRT, I strarted skipping my way to my collegue's car, jumped in, paused for a few seconds before I told her 'I saw a REALLY good looking guy and he smiled'..sighhh..

Bless this gorgeous man for he had reawaken my senses. I am looking forward to drool at more delicious looking men. Maybe I should pay more attention to my surroundings next time, hehee..

Blahhh..but I am very sure this happens a lot to you people out there!

If there is a next time, and if i have enough courage I just might use Natalie Portman's line in the movie Closer, 'Hello Stranger..'

2007-11-15T20:39:00.000+08:00

The Sister had finally flew off Tuesday morning. And so now it feels like im the only daughter at home. Just when the little pest is not at home, i really miss bugging her day in and day out.

It's her first trip overseas alone and all the family members had been paranoid what she needs to pack, how many to bring, how thick should her socks be, yadaa yadaa.. So paranoid, I actually discussed with her what or how she has to wear for the next 7days she will be away. The things we do for someone we care or rather spoilt them. I didnt know what got into me and my mama, when we didnt have second thoughts to get her a costly winter coat from Mango, we were still surveying around for the best buy (without the sister no less) but the salesperson were so darn good that i couldn't resist purchasing it in a heartbeat after I tried it on myself, thinking I could share this with her and bring it along for my trip next year.

My sister not looking so bad, i think and no photos of me because i thought i look horrible.

A few sms-es exchanged with her

Sister: Kak, adik already in beijing. Pls tell mama it's so cold here! Tak macam aircon! And maybe bsok ada snow!

Ok I cant believe she compared the cold weather there with the aircon which made our family laughed senselessly!

Me: Is it? So adik pakai how many layers of baju?

Testing to know if she heed my advice to wear her clothes in layers.

Adik: 6

When she replied with the number 6, i feel like spanking her. Such a waste to send an sms with a single digit! And Im paying both her's and my phonebill. Sigh..

And yesterday the adik sent another few smses

Sister: Kak, im going shoppin frm 3pm - 6.30pm tell mama

Ignoring that sms she sents another one after a couple of hours

Sister: Kak adik dah buy for u baju. Tell mama to col me at 8.30pm ltr

I find that endearing that she got me something, so far before she left I didnt pester her to get me anything at all. I just want her to have a good time exploring the country and visiting such historic places that I would die to go too!

Anyways speaking of clothes, the irony of having to wear the same colour with a few friends from work. Hah we look like a football team. I think the colors worn reflects the attitude for the day as well.

Like i wore yellow because I was feeling sunny and chirpy.

Red for an agressive day, with the apt tagline on it 'Go for Gold' heh.

Still speaking of clothes, I spent my day last Sunday with Baidah. Dropped by her place, helped her cooked before we packed and went over to my place since my darling nephew was here. So my dear friend was complaining she had bought 5 new flats in a few days, showed me a dress she wore asking my consent if it looks good and so on. Judging from her expression i thought she looks very guilty and thus sought my comfort hoping I will say its all worth it.

Honestly, looking upon her items and how good she is dressing up lately makes me feel inadequate. I haven't been caring to look good lately. My daily routine would be, just grab and wear whatever I see in my wardrobe. Some days when I feel a bit dainty I put on a bit of blusher on my cheeks, otherwise its just powder up, mascara and lipgloss. By the end of the day without touching up I look half dead already. Shopping took a backseat as well, whenever I have the luxury to shop I ended up not buying anything after having second thoughts not because I'm broke but the urge vanished as quickly as it came.

I should give myself a treat one of these days and get myself something new. I could use a couple of new shoes that's for sure, hahaa. So maybe babe wanna set a date with me anytime soon?

Although I am very puzzled that both you and Farah said the same thing ironically, that I can still pull off the slack look even when I just wear anything shabby. Either you guys are too kind or simply blind! Oh my god, it rhymes!

2007-11-13T00:47:00.000+08:00

A meet up with 2 of my great buddies had never been easy, the 3 of us will never be available all at the same time. However! Last Friday evening it was as simple as "are you free after 7pm?"

For once it was just bliss to kick back my sandals, relax and talk about anything and everything.
To throw back my head and laugh, till the tummy starts to ache and happy tears starts pelting down my cheeks.

Some conversations were unsound, corrupted even, plenty of slapstick one liners. Both man confessed it slipped their conscious they were talking to a lady, I'm just flattered to be given the title of the 'all fly zone woman' . Oh how i miss spending my time hanging out with both Rajan & Durai! Like brothers to me, they can be honest about the most sensitive things some people will not even dare to say it to my face like they do besides being a pair of 'stand up comedians' to cheer me up.

They are going off to Brazil this Xmas, and for not bringing me along they were not spared from my harping of a million reasons why having a girl on the trip should be very useful. But when that didn't work at all, I demanded them to bring me back a gorgeous looking Brazilian and nothing less as a nice souvenir for me. They of course came up with a couple of clever sarcasm.

So excited they are about their trip the guys have been working out their buff lately. Heh. I couldn't help but gave them my snigger for the obvious agenda or shall i say one of the main agenda why they are doing so. They sure have already envision all the hot babes that they 'think' will greet them once they touch down.

To which they gave a reply typical of a red blooded man "Baby, we don't have plans for Brazil. Brazil has plans for us".. Haha so chauvinistic was the remark that all of us erupted into a series of laughter.

***************

I think James Morrison rocks my world now!

"It's like I hardly know you
But maybe I never did
It's like every emotion you showed me
You kept well hid
And every true word that you ever spoke
Was really deceiving
Now I'm leaving this time
Coz this is my last goodbye

I've gotta turn and walk away
I don't have anything left to say
I haven't already said before
I've grown tired of being used
And I'm sick and tired of being accused
Now I'm walking away from you
And I'm not coming back"

~The Last Goodbye~

2007-11-05T10:20:00.000+08:00

Meeting Elfy last Sat was what I needed, a mellow down night affair.

Did a lot of catching up while she was cooking dinner, stories after stories with her boyfriend Syed joining us a little bit later..

Some that triggered anger, some tears, and quite a lot of giggles as we 'usik' each other, heh we have a habit of teasing each other. Sadly Baidah wasnt able to join us last minute but you are forgiven, we'll meet each other soon ok? Both of us misses you dreadfully..

Ended the night with a pleasant surprise from Syed, who was sweet enough to offer a ride back all the way from Tampines to Marsiling, in his barely a day old Red Honda Stream to which Elfy let out a shocking gasped when she was a bit puzzled where did his black mobile gone too.. Haha I couldn't help but was touched by Syed's romantic gesture to surprise his girlfriend. But being Elfy, she recovered as quickly looking not so impressed at all.

We parted ways with deep hugs and kisses whispering to each other we shall meet soon.

And yesterday, was considered the third time I went out with the family for Raya visiting. Haha yes almost 'basi'. The dad had to join us later after his work so all his favourite ladies had a head start, met mama and the sister after I finished my work routine on Sunday and save some journey time by getting a lift from Mr Fadly.

With Mama

I believe this shall be our last round of visitings unless the invitations of open houses will stop coming in! After the last house we went yesterday I just had to beg mama to visit a boy I have been missing so much..

He lights me up instantly! My god the boy as grown I tell you, I could no longer carry him in one swift motion! He talks a lot too, geramnye! I shall treat him a visit to the Zoo very soon since he was pestering it from me yesterday..

Oh but Rayyan is not the only boy I have been 'geraming' with lately! I had a hard time keeping my hands off Zynedine (did i spell it correctly kak lini?heh)! So adorable until cannot tahan!

Ms Lini your son makes us ladies look so extra good!!

With the mother herself, my other favourite person!

2007-11-03T17:21:00.000+08:00

Whenever someone who is aware of the existence of a certain man I had grown fond for almost a year and a half, asks if I am still smiling myself silly when it comes to him?

I wish then I could chunk out the period of one year and a half he sorta stole my heart never occured. Endless great conversations, the world cup betting, the laughters, the wonderful dates,
discovering how much we love seafood platter, his charm and wit. I willed myself not to fall for any of it but I did.

All I could offer was a weak smile, gave a brief gist of the story and requested that let's all move on like he never came into my life, period (im still abit sore how ignorant he is).

At this point of another man who walked in and out as he deem fit, I couldn't care for another man as easily. There are a few nice ones who made an effort to indulge a conversation with me once in awhile, asking me out if im available for a date but currently i feel so blah. It's not easy when most of my peers are settling down or attached. But upon self reflection, I wonder how some of them are prepared to give up their singlehood . I may yearn for that special someone but I am far away from being a man's wife just yet.

That is the truth. The truth that I find laughing at my own self sometimes.Heh. It gets even funnier when I get people trying to pair me up with their sons or assuming that I am already attached. This is nothing to be boastful about actually but rather a tad bit embarrassing.

Never mind for now I have been disappointed again. But not to worry, there is never a day that goes by without me smiling and laughing. It must be the wonderful souls who surrounded my life with good aura. Resigning to my fate is having to give in to my weakness which is not a good sign so I shall not.

Okay enough of these inane ramblings, its about time I leave my office (heh yes at work). I'm off to meet my 2 favourite people in the whole universe my best friends (ok aside from my family of course). I bet it will be another female bonding session at its best! What with Elfy had moved to a place she can call her own. How fun! I have invited myself to come and crash her place anytime I want. Elfy cooks very well you know.

Sighh.. every new decision we make is another level up of us becoming more adult. Please correct me if i'm wrong but wasnt it just yesterday we were only 13, going crazy over Backstreet Boys and singing to Baby Hit me One More time?

Now, we barely have time for each other. We do have our squabbles due to this especially me and Baidah. Elfy is already a boss at her own stall, Baidah blossom into a corporate lady (my god this is so not her 10 years ago) and as for myself? I am busy losing myself into my work too. I love my job, even with all the #@$!% it came with. How do I know I love my job? Even after another exhausting day, I am still looking forward to go to work tomorrow :)

It pays to know what your interest are and where does your passion lies. Thus, for now this is the most important thing. A kind soul recently told me, it will come to you naturally without you searching for it. I heard that a million times but somehow she said it with much honesty. Coming from a lady who's already forty plus, im sure she knows what she is talking about.

Toodles!

2007-11-01T01:52:00.000+08:00

One of the main reason i miss working on a Mac was how painless it was to manage one and it is not easily prone to virus like working on a pc platform...

Having said that, yes my lappie has been infected with Malwares actually means 'malicious softwares'. Never have I delved deep into finding out what they were until the other I spent the whole night reading and researching what it's all about .. That is how much we Mac users took for granted, well for me at least heh.

After much reading up and consulting the ever tech-savy Ms Lini & Hubby, I have to get my laptop to reconfigure. What I dread is having to back up my files..

Oh Joy! *with much sarcasm*

Other then this malwares thingy which put a pout on my lips because my system is not working properly, the past week or so had been fab. Enjoyable working hours despite work is strangely piling up again, we the crazy people at work had squeeze what little time we have for our own raya house visiting to the seniors. Proclaiming ourselves beyond camwhores, we took photos at every possible angle we could. Photos will be uploaded soon right after I have reconfigured my lappie..

The off day on Monday was spent shopping with mama and the sister in town. Very aptly, all retail shops are selling their winter collection. Excitement brewing on what to get for my sister's upcoming trip and it was hard holding back squeals of delightment everytime I saw apparels which caught my eyes. With the way I am coordinating what my sister should wear I have overlook the matter that it has to be practical for her. Heh let's not forget it is an educational trip afterall, but with the looks of it she is going to be dress up ready to strut the sidewalks cafe in paris..

To which I blatantly said to my sister ' maybe kakak should go instead, what do you think?' ..

Sigh she ought to pack her sister along, the least she could do is be sympathetic to how desperate I need a break. It wasn't helping at all that my intentions of going India/Kashmir is building up rapidly. If only I could motivate myself to save money in 4 months time.. We'll see.

You people take care and have a lovely day later!

2007-10-24T08:37:00.000+08:00

aku sangat mengenalmu
aku juga cintaimu..
tapi kau tak pernah ada pengertian
ku senang,ku sedih
kau tak mau tahu

~Cinta Diujung Jalan By Agnes Monica~

Funny how some songs sings the story of your life accurately, don't you think?

2007-10-23T20:54:00.000+08:00

No no i wasn't sibuk dengan berjalan raya sana sini..
Truth is, I went out only twice for raya visiting, first was on the 2nd day of syawal before I had to wait patiently for last Sunday to be decked out in my baju kurung. Yes I was kinda feeling deprived especially coming back from work in the evening and passing by every possibly malay family looking their best in their traditional garb.

Work is as usual keeping my life occupied but no it wasn't the main reason why i didn't continue my previous entry.

There were too many times I wanted to share the nice photos taken during my bintan trip and pen down my most inner thoughts but the urge to be typing away switch to dead the moment I stared at the computer screen.

This time around I'm going to compact everything in again. I just feel like expressing myself here today, its my off day and I'm really free.

One of the several things which triggered me to blog was the time spent at Bintan the last 2 weeks of Ramadhan for work, we were being sponsored by 2 of the resorts there for our morning programme. The first trip was to shoot Nirwana Gardens Resort, I was sort of already familiar to the place from my last visit with the best friend last March. But of course, the privilege to visit expensive suites and getting special treatment from the warm staff makes it a totally different experience!

The Indra Maya Villa, the astounding look of the whole place itself overlooking the beach below was really fascinating, with the wind blowing I felt instantly at ease...

This bedroom is my ideal bedroom, i love it for its simplistic design..

An impromptu shot of myself, at the exact moment i was amazed how clear the water was below the Kelong restaurant, i could literally saw small fishes swimming!
Spa thingy, soothes the senses...
The view from our hotel room, sadly we didn't have the time to dip in the pool..

The second time around we came on the last week of ramadhan, and return home 2 days before Raya. Horrible thing was, I wasn't feeling very well at all. Having flu and really bad cough dampen my mood before my arrival at Angsana Resort & Spa. But the moment we reached the place, I was already in awe. It was the kind of place that you splurge a lot of money. Got money, you get good stuff. The exciting part was we got to stay in the Angsana Suite! The females were separated from the males, so since there were only 2 females my producer and myself, we were able to have the entire suite to ourselves..

The living room of our suite, equipped with the kitchen area which we did our own mini cooking session :), hey i brought my own onions, chillies, eggs(!), and salt hokay!
My Producer's bedroom for the next 2 nights, looking very inviting and cosy..

While I got the other bedroom, 2 beds and i alternated between the 2, heh well i make sure i made full use of my time there.. Best thing was having the whole bathroom to myself!
The private jacuzzi attached to our suite with outdoor shower...sigh, good life i tell you
My bedroom view overlooking the jacuzzi..
The luxury resort's lobby..

Throughout our stay in Bintan, I was fortunate enough to try out so many things; snorkelling (very refreshing sungguh! the stinging pain i got from my nose was priceless but it was a good thing because i think it helps subside abit of the flu), banana boat ride, jet ski and seeing how our presenter had to struggle with wind surfing, golf lessons and so on. My favourite was the dune buggy ride which we got to try at Nirwana Gardens. A bumpy driving experience from hell, it was really a rough ride but i felt exhilarated after it all ended! Shifting the gear and steering was no easy task actually because I had to use a lot of strength.

A quick one before I went underneath to greet the cute fishes and beautiful corals..
Our presenter on his jet ski ride. I had my try as well, it was almost like riding on a bike!

Dinner was scrumptious, well a bit lavish on the price though US$90++ per person, I could never afford that on my own, please convert that to sing dollars and i rather have that money spent on something else..heh but since its free food, i shall not complain.

The starter I cant remember if it was crab soup or was it clam chowder

Stone crabs and we were served with 3 huge bowls of these for 5 people.
Fresh fruits and coconut sorbet for dessert, very sweet..

Laguna Bintan Golf Club

The golf course was one of the things that took my breath away.
Banyan Tree villas nicely perched on the cliff behind us..

I was very much looking forward to the next day! Since it has always been one of my wishful place to stay in. I dare to say that I have fallen in love everything to do with Banyan Tree. I will never know If i could ever afford the cheapest room at US$470 per night but at least I have been there to see how it is like...

Banyan Tree minimalistic lobby area..

The swimming pool was gorgeous, too bad the sun was high then and most of the photos taken were overexposed. By night, upon reservations a platform will be set up on the swimming pool to cater dinner for 2.
Nice view from the jacuzzi..

The interior of the bathroom received a major 'whoa' from me.. And as you can see, i looked tanned thanks to being baked by the hot sun! Free tanning just in time for raya, i love it..
The bedroom from one of the villas at Banyan Tree. Any couples want to go on a honeymoon? You wont regret this!

The most expensive villa at Banyan Tree was like the top of the crop, creme de la creme, star on the top of the xmas tree..

Infinity pool

I just had to put my ass on the bed and snap a photo. Just so 'I was there'.
The outdoor lounging area cum dining area as well.
One of the outdoor shower

Then there was that Dinner on the Rocks for US$159++ per person, it'll be worth proposing that special someone, the invigorating surroundings with the cool sea breeze, breathtaking view of the south china sea and lighted candles for the romantic setting that lits the whole pathway to your dining table on the Rocks, your woman must be crazy to reject your proposal!

Unless you want to opt for a slightly cheaper dinner for 2 at the fisherman's table by the beach, it was just as romantic..sigh...

My other favourite part of my stay at Angsana was how each night they delighted us with a gift when we came back to our suite from our dinner and the bed was already set to be slept in. I feeling so special you know!
The robe nicely decorated with a single orchid. And I actually slept wearing the robe, it was really cold at night plus the fact I wasn't feeling well.
Sigh sigh sigh... there was so many sighs while i was there. Bintan is just a stone away from our shore, for this kind of wonder you don't have to go far.

+++++

So the other things that triggered me to pen my thoughts were a couple of things that probe my emotional self. A closure with the ex was a huge relief, it was quite emotional for us both. Touched to know he still cares for my well being but I am so glad he is in a good place now. Kak Lini's words were comforting, ' She is the best for him. But he is not the best for you.' Nicely put, so I shall wait for my best then :)

And then it was a self reflection time for myself, I found out something about that other someone for the umpteenth time. My heart shattered so much this time. So much so that I have gotten to the end of the line, the strong urge to detox myself from this unhealthy plague was what I needed. Flashbacks of certain things done, were shared, were bonded, were given equates to insincerity and used. I cannot discern why some people cannot be truthful and be pretentious all this while. What hurts the most is, i am disgusted with people who is not a man of their words. Once upon a time someone claimed he will never ever lead someone on, that wasn't his style apparently but tadaa! It's a whole different story now. As much as the truth hurts, I know overreacting and confronting him wont make him feel any less guilty since I'm sure he doesn't give a hoot how i feel anyway. All that aside, I am not going down with depression or anything! All is good and I have been feeling great despite what I know.

Also I have made an adult decision this week without my parents objecting to it at all. I am investing my CPF money, come to think of it I'm glad I did :) With the nature of my job, i believe letting your money grow for you seems logical. It seems secure this way, let's say I need it for my wedding or the cash for that house with my future husband, so at least he will not be worried if i will or will not make any contribution.. You never want to know some man i had came across whose mind is very petty thinking CPF money is everything. I digress I am getting a bit personal over here..

And lastly much apologies the customary splashes of Hari Raya photos did not happened so much this year, since my camera had long died on me but I had to rely on my mobile camera to take a photo or two after much persistence from mama.

The sister and the lioness who had opted to wear the bold pink. Smart choice because she is sharing it with me anyways hehe..
The photo was almost perfect save for the mosaic man at the background which happens to be my old man who was half naked. Very tak sexy lah.. He pretty much or less could not be bothered when all his favourite ladies in the house were snapping away.

I think we begin to look more alike each passing day and sometimes it hit me I have also inherit some of her characters which I have found it very annoying before. Example, I'm going to be a 'possible' nagger. My god!
And one with the adik! She who is flying off to Beijing in 2 weeks time, lucky girl. Green with envy but macam kita pulak yang nak pergi, heh I'm fussing over with what she has to or not bring for the trip.

As for the kakak she has to wait for her short break at the end of next month, wherelse? Bintan of course :) I cant squeeze myself to anywhere far man..This time for leisure with a certain companion, who shares his love for the sun, sand and sea! Full intentions of trying out sea sports and the ATV dune buggy together seems so exciting!

Bintan shall be my closing for this year's vacation. Looking forward to next year's, careful planning should be in the works right Farah? Shall we rope in Rozi too? Can rozi? Melby and Bali was discussed but kan I think I have fallen so much in love with Kashmir. The photos shown by Kak Alfia and the stories related ignited by curiousity.. I have been reading and researching on Kashmir. How? I want to be bollywood and roll down the hills on white snow!

2007-10-16T00:24:00.000+08:00

When i read again my previous entry, it was truly a writer scrambling for time. Tak make sense at all what was written.

With this being the 3rd of Syawal so far everything has went well. Of course I noticed too I hadn't even had the time to even post a raya greeting here. Therefore, before I proceed with what i believe shall be a lengthy post just because I am so motivated by the photos that I have, I would like to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya! Ok very anti climax la but it is still very much valid! Let me take this opportunity to ask for forgiveness if i had in anyway offended anyone with what was written here intentionally or unintentionally. I hope you guys will have a blast this Syawal!

+++++++++++++++++

As you would have read above,this entry is predicted to be lengthy. I have decided to jot down a few memorable occasions during the last few weeks of Ramadhan that ought to be highlighted. Apologies if I had taken this long to share, its either time wasn't on my side or i was simply procrastinating.

First Up, was a dear friend of mine who turned 23 last month. An iftar session at Bali Thai with a few of our close friends. We were so glad you like the cuppies in the end, even though you had to wait awhile for its arrival but very aptly as if on cue you were away at the ladies when Elfy came with it. hehee..

You have aged a year older,so far so good isn't it? The glow on your face shows just as much. A career and a future partner (in less then 2 years?). Your life is in the 'pink' of health and i hope it remains so for more years to come :)

Next, I simply wanna share some photos with a few lovelies from work. An iftar called 'kita kita kita ajer' turned out to be more fun then I expected. Its a co-joint iftar with the company I'm with and the network station. I cannot believe I won something in a group contest and lucky enough to win a spa voucher in the lucky draw. Group photos were taken and instantly printed there and then, I wish I am extra motivated to scan the the huge group photo taken with the rest but apparently I am not la. So save for these candids taken which is good enough to publish heh.

Kita practice k Farah? More or less this is how its gonna be when Im going to be in your wedding photo or you-hoos look like on the dais ;)

A group shot for the night with the uber fun bunch!

Then the other time, we had to do a raya greeting. A chance to look made up, but I realised it's very hard to do when we had a lot of running around the set. Uncomfortable it was. But it was fun nonetheless :)

I just had to spoilt the photo with the stupid cheesy smile and yes sans heels. I couldn't wait to get it off when I was done!

Diggin in on what's left of the kuihs..

A last one after everything..

I was too ambitious too think I could squeeze all in one entry but the heavy eyelids begs to take its toll for the day..

I shall continue the rest in another entry..heh..Did I tell you guys everything about Banyan Tree took my breath away? ;)

2007-10-12T10:19:00.000+08:00

After getting to experience how is it to be on a holiday like the rich and famous
Its back to reality for me

So much things has happened this month which makes it hard to even pause and take a breather..

And today marks the eve of raya, everything has been very last minute this year from kuih right down to my baju which I managed to collect yesterday with mama. It was a gamble this year since I didnt have time to sibuk-sibuk and meet my tailor for measurements and such. Thankfully one turn out really well and the other was a bit of disappointment but I didnt want to make a big fuss when raya was just a couple of days away. A trip down to Angsana cures the heart ache when I actually gotten myself another pasang baju, unplan! It was too beautiful too resist. Just a kaftan by itself I manage to get a matching kain to go along with it plus a nice corset-tube to boot to actually match my other 2 bajus. phew!!

This is only one-quater done. Today my itinerary will be a mad dash to geylang serai with my bestie Elfy to get baju kurung for my nephew and niece which I had promised to get them. A pit stop to city hall to get a little accessories for myself to match my bajus. Then Im heading down to office to get somethings settle before i head downhill to far east flora to get fresh flowers for my home. Afterwhich I hope I can still make time to go and collect our cakes which we ordered from Eatzi gourmet. Sighh.. I hope to make it back in time for buka.. And on top of all this I have yet to do anything to my room. Thank god, the living room was much or less settled the previous night.

Ooops Oh darn I really need to get a new pair of shoess! That is before I go geylang. No hassel Im going for Charles&Keith, which Im bound to get something. The hair will have to postpone on the second day of raya since my family dont go out on the first day. We will be receiving visitors instead.

Lets Hope, I am still able survive today. I'll let you know later..heh

Till then, have a happy busy day to all of you who I presume would be a miracle if you actually drop by this page and read this! Get working! hehee

2007-10-05T01:20:00.001+08:00

The lashing you gave was not the first time.
You think you had it
But guess what I had it too.

Im tired to brood
Im letting you win hands down.

My apologies for all the things said and done.

Apologies due just because you ask for it.

Your words, they kill.

Thank you.

**********

It doesnt pay to be busy everyone. Some people just dont understand.

2007-09-27T23:19:00.000+08:00

This morning was incredible isnt it? Absolutely love the cool weather.. I was of course as usual half asleep on the way to work, decked out in only my jeans and plain tshirt. It was one of those days when I feel great just being plain.

Then who could have thought I bumped into a familiar face in the MRT? I purposely nudged her knowing fully well it will annoy her. True enough it did, it took her awhile to recognise me.. Yes its the new haircut babe.. This shows how long we have not been catching up (physically) despite the frequent smses, emails (this I like, macam feeling You've Got Mail kan? but then its you la most of the time who's always so on when it comes to sending emails?!) and calls pestering we all should meet up soon in between all the the bitchy goss and latest updates you have to share with me !

And so we will, this Saturday!

Its your birthday, let's honour that and have a bit of decent fun shall we? Albeit this being Ramadan and all, I promise it's all PG.

Most importantly, I cant wait to see same old familiar faces to put me at ease.. Missing people is excruciating task I tell you :)

p/s: i have the tendency to groove everytime i listen to this catchy song.. the chorus so infectious ;)

2007-09-25T01:40:00.000+08:00

I materialize my promise to mama by accompanying her to JB today. The lioness wanted to survey baju for the younger sister. It was a worthwhile trip actually because today it finally hit me that Eid will be in a couple of weeks time!

Although I had been listening to Hari Raya songs even before fasting month for work purposes it beats listening to it when you are shopping for the occassion. Even mama felt the same way.. Anyhoos I saw a few pieces which I think might suit the sister heh and at the same time I saw a few that the older sister (ahem myself) will fit nicely into.. Cant wait for the second trip soon, it gets more exciting after you purchase the bajus and whatnots..

Which reminds me I need a checklist... There is so many things to get, sigh...

Ouh i bought Love is Cinta, i wasnt expecting it to be a good one especially after Heart was a letdown... But it is good, the plot was surreal but who cares when I need a good cry, I was touched.

Alright this rant is just random because I made a mistake by drinking black coffee and now im having trouble getting to sleep..........

But even if it takes me to count a million sheeps i better force myself to take a few hours of eyeshut cant believe my off day ended so soon...

2007-09-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

He must satisfy his appetite but at the expense of a life lost.
The life of a little girl.

Her body was disposed like it was some garbage bag and the state of her body when she was found was very disturbing.

I am angry at the vile sinner who is still roaming around on the loose. I do not believe if he felt any ounce of guilt for what he had done. I shudder at the thought of him searching for another young prey. He ought to be caught, the merciless deed which he was responsible of must not be repeated.

The heart wrenching case of young girl being murdered brutally, saddens me so much. But I am very sure what you and me feel cannot compare to the pain her parents are going through. Descriptions of their sorrow is beyond applicable.

My heart goes out to Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, I offer you my prayers and may you rest in peace..

This song, very aptly goes out to her...

This is not right..
Let little children be what they are suppose to be..
Pristine and untainted little people...

++++++++++++

Ku tatap gambar wajahmu
Sinar mata itu
Lirik senyumanmu
Pesona yang membelai

Wajahmu bercahaya
Memberi bahagia
Tiap yang memandang
Hati jadi salju

Kau terlalu istimewa
Kasih dan sayangmu terpancar
Seikhlas
Tiada batasan terus membara
Terkilan rasa jiwa
Inginku lihatmu dewasa
Apa daya Tuhan lebih menyayangimu

Ku pasti kau berbahagia
Duduk di sampingNya
Mendengar cerita Segala rahsia

Tak tertanggung rindu
Mendengar suaramu
Tawa mengusik jiwa

2007-09-21T10:54:00.001+08:00

Yes this is how I look most of the time these days (i think),when insanity becomes you and the sress level is forever increasing.. heh Honestly compare our faces between the serene/calm and the horror striken one..shhhessshh!

Nevertheless I am doing well ( in answer to Mr LMT's query).

Lastly, this is never too late to wish you people Selamat Berpuasa! I didnt realise it has already been 2 weeks since then, time just flies isnt it?

Good day!

2007-09-10T16:17:00.000+08:00

Baidah asked me during our msn conversation, where have i been..

I hadn't exactly went to space and reached the moon, although its not impossible ;)

Truth is the past couple of weeks had been sorta crazy its a miracle that I am still able to walk with my two legs . Only the toe had gotten hurt though (the result of multi-tasking, I had cut my toe when I pull open a big heavy door and the metal strip cut my toe deep, oh the picture of the blood ooozing out is still fresh in my head i tell you). It's insane but sometimes when I feel vulnerable emotionally I like to devote myself to work, you know seeking solace in keeping yourself busy, blocking your mind from personal issues you had to deal with.

Feeling under the radar most of the time due to the lack of sleeping, I am not a nice person to speak too early mornings these days. For example, like yesterday when a chinese woman appeared suddenly from the bustop flagging a cab which was meant for me, my blood started boiling, I wasnt sure what got into me or maybe I simply do not wish to wait for another extra 10 minutes and risk getting to work late. I went over to the cab open the passenger door and told her off I want the cab because it was so obvious I was there before her, with her innocent face she said "but i didnt see you what"

By this point I swear I could just grabbed her by the neck and throw out to the side walk. Fancy herself looking at the cab driver urging him to just drive ahead. Hello! you dont wait for cabs at the bustop! Well its pretty obvious I had the cab in the end.

Sigh..I believed a vacation should be due soon, I cant decide to go at the end of the year or shall I plan one carefully for next year January. I am having difficulties too, deciding if I should opt for an islandy vacation or for the shop-till-you-drop kind. But yesterday during supper with the company of 2 lovely married couples we chatted a bit about holiday destinations. They spoke about beautiful faraway countries like Australia, New Zealand but what was interesting was when they recommended nearby destinations in the region. And yes Kak Lini I did my Google research on the places the instant I settled down when I got home!

Ha long Bay, Vietnam (One of World Heritage natural places)

Villa Escudero, Philippines (River restaurant,where you can bare your feet and soak in the water while you eat)

Taal Volcano, Philippines (World's Smallest Active Volcano)

Bukit Tinggi, Padang (Minangkabau House)

I am always intrigue with historical places that has compelling stories to be shared, myths to be told. Astounding unspoilt scenic places like the world's natural wonders or even anywhere that breathes mother earth with old world charm will take my breath away.

Darn, if only money isnt a issue.. Anyways its good to be home the whole day for today doing absolutely nothing. Bliss. I am planning to take a nap after this one.

Yes in case you guys notice my hairstyle has changed. Feel like it's necessary. Although some said they miss my curls, others think I look younger and fresh. Oh wells ;)

*p/s: I miss my best friends.

2007-09-03T01:28:00.000+08:00

I am in dire need to slip away and escape to paradise..

Fly me to Tahiti,I want to go to Bora Bora Island

Confusion is getting the best of me lately..
Just looking at the photos has a calming effect on me.

*********
Anyways here goes :)

2007-08-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

So many lingering thoughts

But there is one thing I am sure about,

AND I HAVE TO NAIL IT.

amongst the other gazillion enigmas (i like to exaggerate myself sometimes) which is clustered in my brain right now.

Sigh.. yes just one out of the gazzillion.

For certain.

2007-08-25T14:04:00.000+08:00

You.
It's very hard not to smile just when you came into my thoughts.
Your silly grin,
Your naughty smile,
The infectious laughter,
The frivolous jokes you made,

What's all this,did you wonder?

Just one thing, can i take back when I said, sucking of prawn heads was utterly romantic?
Obviously that was not intended.
It tickles you so much you were choking on your own tears ;)

If you think im judgemental, let me tell you something positive

Your company the past few times has done nothing but absolute joyful to be with..

And that my dear is not 'superficial' at all :)

You are in fact a breath of fresh air. Period.

******************

"What's this life anyway?
What's it to you and me?
What's it to anyone?
Who are we supposed to be?
Make me a storybook
Write me away from here
I need a different now"
~These Days by Chantal Kreviazuk~

2007-08-18T10:41:00.000+08:00

I had the privileged to meet the man whose songs I worshipped during my darkest days.

And it was good to know the song Januari which he sang and wrote, was from his personal experience. Similarly, it was why I related to this particular song. The lyrics and tune cuts me deep.

Nevertheless the man was humble and easygoing, a tad small built in size.. I am overjoyed.

The man I meant was Mr Glen Fredly, up close and personal in his hotel suite no less ;)

Tapi sih, teman-teman entourage nya yang lain waduh ada yang ganteng loh. *maximum hyperventilating done!*

****
Change is inevitable, the question is when am i ready?

Soon.
Yes I have been thinking of making a change, no no nuthing to do with my emotional well being but with regards to the eventual path I would like to expand myself too.

Like they said I am still young.

For now it shall remain vague.

Ahead is photos taken on National Day. Maybe next time I'll upload the fireworks video taken. Heh but dont count on it ;)

2007-08-10T01:36:00.000+08:00

NDP'O7 was FUN..

I am impressed with the lightings. One thing missing from the great performance put up by the school kids and different organizations was the narrative voice over that did not accompanied them like the previous years. I am sure viewers at home has a better understanding the meaning of each item performed and the formations displayed because we over there just had to rely on the big screen to read the text followed by random graphics. Too bad they did not pumped in the live telecast as it was shown to homes to the spectators there. It was quite mundane since we were quite lost and bored for awhile.

But of course fireworks was the highlight of the parade! My favourite was no doubt the military vehicles and machines being showcase,it was spectacular!

Anyways we took hordes of photos and i shall elaborate about the parade soonest once i get my hands on the photos by kak sally, sha and hopefully kak mas! I took some shots from my mobile and its quite nice except the quality is grainy.

(I need a new camera! Rajan just tempt me yesterday to get me to invest on a dslr after he saw some of my humble shots in my laptop. I miss photography ya know.. He made me want to consider doing it as a serious hobby, I would love too, eventually. Unless of course Mr LMT would be kind hearted enough to let me play with his Salina can??)

*********

So right now, although my day was splendid I am currently limping :(

Ok this klutz fall down the stairs early in the day when she left the house for the parade. The fall was painful but I willed myself and made myself walk thinking it wont affect so much. I didn't feel the pain at all after that until on my way back home the throbbing tingle in my ankle was suddenly so overwhelming, and i didn't realised it had ballooned up to this

I know its ugly and swollen...and its hurtful.

This got me thinking.. I have work tomorrow, and the thought of limping to work is not pleasant at all. Dad insisted I have to go urut but I seriously cannot not go to work.

Saturday I am going for the Rock Live concert, and Sunday I have a good friend's wedding to attend. On top of having to work both days.

With so much walking needed to be done I dont know if this will get worst, I hope the asam my mama bandaged me up with will tone down the ugly bulge.. All the fun and now I cant even walk properly.

A blur queen will always be a blur queen.. sakit tau... Cant even spin around at all, i foresee myself to be cranky the next few days..

2007-08-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

I feel like I am 9 again! The enthusiasm is pretty much like I'm looking forward to a field trip! A major field trip!

As silly as I may sound, and although some people don't give a hoot about the parade, my excitement is brewing rapidly!

Best kan?! Ive already standby my red tshirt. Yes I am that kanchong!

Military machines is what my eyes are all for, sigh must be the post-transformers hangover. I'm into big machines currently!

Oooh and of course let's not forget the fireworks!

Selamat Hari Kebangsaan Semua!