Relationships are very complicated arent they..?

I had my msn conversation with Baidah earlier in the day, when she suddenly said how lucky i am to still be able to tell 'him' that i miss him.

Never judge what you assume you see on the surface. Take a closer look and you see the damage done. I told her, despite the different circumstances we all face one thing that is similar, is the heart-wrenching pain we go through.

Although i still date him, we talk, occassionally share a good laugh and all, i sometimes wonder, does it matter to him that i miss him at all..? My relationship with him is very complicated indeed. We broke up but we are still very much in each others' lives.

If you ask me if i still care for him, i will say a definite Yes! If you ask me does he still gives me butterflies in my tummy whenever i see his number on my mobile and it instantly lit me up, Yup,still does! And if you ask me again if he still make me laugh, Absolutely! Finally if you ask me if i still love him..? in a way i still do very much..but im more guarded now, lets just say im very afraid to put my heart on the line and risk it getting hurt again and by 'him'.. I still hold on to hope, hoping that eventually things will work out, and hoping that he will be more 'brave' to express how he really feels instead of me having to figure what he's thinking half the time.

Him and me, we both know, love is not just everything in a relationship. We need faith,trust and loyalty. Honestly we lack in that. And you know what they say it takes two to tango. In the mean time, i still cannot bring myself to walk away from him yet, i dont know why. But im not proud of myself, although ive moved on 'in a way' i failed to make him vanish completely. So baidah its very torturous for me to have him in my life still and not able to make him completely mine. Real truth? How i wish, someone will sweep me off my feet, and i will look back at him sticking out my tougue and yell "your loss!",and i live happily ever after with my knight in shining armour!

But hah! just like John Legend sings we are 'Ordinary People'..

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So anyways, i went for my interview the other day, and was pleasantly stunned that it wasnt what i expected. I expected a small production company at an 'ulu' location! But the studio was big! i got intimidated instantly and felt my confidence level went right down to zilch!! i was fretting a lot and quite restless, good thing i had mama along with me, heh ok i always bring my mama along if i have a major job interview, she's like my Lady Luck la,no kidding!

After the interview i felt that i might not get the job, the lady who interviewed me was quite scary shooting me with all sorts of questions,i was stumped on a couple of them but managed to pull it through.. And well she end it with 'ok thank you, we'll call you back lis',now i hate that! So i told mama that i wont get it for sure, easy to say i screwed up! But mama comforted me that if its meant to be yours then dont worry just pray for it, haizz thats soothing to hear. So far whenever mama tagged along for interviews i always manage to get the job, cant say for this time though..

But i was surprised when today they called! and told me i should come down for the 2nd interview on monday! Sigh..its a good sign right?! haha well when i was there the other day the only good sign i saw in the office was the walls were my favourite colour 'deep purple'! haha i take it as 'a good sign'..

Well wish me luck ;)