There are times when i wish i can just vanish into thin air..
To get away from the pain ..
There are times im tired of pretending im fine..
Im tired of ppl telling me dat im strong

Oh well..its one of those days..

Yesterday outing plan wit the qihuaians as usual did not happen as plan but it does not mean, its gone awry..!!
In the end i threw in a new plan to chill at al-ameen at woodlands at nite..heh since it was raining d whole day and i was feelin lethargic after 3pm to go further den woodlands..
Anyway,the chill session turn out well and almost all turn up!(except for islyana who had to werk,no worries babes we'll hav more of this soon!)
Although Faris and Surizah had to leave early, it's alrite..we did had fun talkin cock, i realise men hav taken more interest in beauty care frm skin care and hair products..
Shame on us ladies, it was deep..heh esp wen Faie was explainin sum scientific theory abt hair loss =)

I still cant believe how these primary sch mates of a decade are reunited and can click with one another..Last year i was doin my own thingy but after the reunion last raya,we've been catching up lot for those lost times!! hahaa luv evryone of them simply for their company and the ease wen im wit dem..


Both of these lovely ladies who hang out at my house before we went for the chilling session..pretty arent they..?


Faris who needs a nudge frm me to come for the meet up and i had to bait him to let him borrow my dvd so he can come, if not it's never easy to meet up wit him.. =) busy la konon nye tu..hehee


Photographer: Diyar
Mistake: hehe..blury effects witout flash but its ok we had another taken


Yup d nicer one! courtesy of Mr Diyar!!hehe who insist on being the photographer for the grp

For viewing pleasure,hahaa wen u r bored of waitng dat last bus wat do u do in d mean time..??
Hahaa yeah entertain ourselves wit takin silly pics!



Hahaa watever we saw,its not thr =)
Check oout my wide open mouth..too bad my tonsils were not captured if not wat a sight i tell ya
++++++++++++++++++++++++++

LATEST

Tremors felt almost various parts of Singapore, quake frm Sumatra and richter scale at 8.5
That's freaking high! i did felt a slight tremor while i was engross doin my werk..

Now d country (as in d time im updating this entry) is experiencing blackout..
Sheeeshhh..wonder why indonesia is d target for these disasters..?
I know..we know..but do they realise..?
Cant say for all of us here..
Pray hard that nothing serious happens..im worried..why?
Oh well, dat ive not done enuf..?its cuming we all know but dun we ever wake up frm being swayed by heavenly yet sinful things we aare doing..hmmm

*p/s: i juz ponder over this quote that people ard me been tellin me 'its better to have someone to love u rather then you love.. Be loved rather then to love'..But when i think again dats wat happen..he loved me dat happen 'Be loved rather then to Love' it did..and gradually i love him..or am i suppose to curb my feelins so heartbreak dun occur??den let him love all of me and me being selfish and guard myself..?is dat the mistake..?hmm i dun noe how to be selfish its never in my nature to be dat way..sigh..wats thr to quote abt Love when actually it doest really abide by the wonderful 'quote' that is being given.. Love is beyond Definition, nobody exactly can figure out all the emotional entanglements..and im not only talkin abt Love between Man and Woman..but Love in general,universally..heh..my ramblings as usual

Did you people had a peaceful sleep and sweet dreams..?

Yes! The filming is over (yesterday)! Im relief its over and most of all nuthing major incidents happen and evrythg went smoothly..Hahaa except it was raining the whole day and we were stranded at sum point but its all good..
We feel so blessed,it was actually a touching moment the last day of filming and how evryone frm crew, make up artiste and d actors has bonded..
Thank you to the cast who has been really kind-hearted into doing this on their own goodwill into helping us budding film makers, ur werk is very much appreciated..
And to the crew,extras,make up artiste who are all our own frens ur contribution to this project will not be forgotten and how much u guys hav done without much complaining..
Oh yeah witout the sponsor frm Tanjong Pagar Railway Foodcourt(happening place!), Bala (Film Equipment Gallery [FEG]), and others who had also been very helpful and generous to us,many many thanks!!

Now its off to post production,dis is whr we hope to see the final cut a success, so far so good!im so excited to see it done!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ok despite being busy i hav summ overdue pics wit d qihua gang esp kin and su!and yeah met islyana twice in a week (miss ya babes)! and as usual had lots of fun talkin crap wit dem till late..heh

Firstly...


We had a purpose goin thr but we end up havin fun! Playtime!!











Meet 'Joe' my new boyfriend, wat i 'LOVE' abt him is dat, he doesnt talk back, he cannot say 'NO',i can complain and nag as much as i want and best of all, i can rent him anytime i want! so yeah hes for rent so wen i dun feel like i need him i can return him back! how cool is dat!!

Afterwards..


Later back in woodlands..


Then..

We laugh and talk crap the nite away..

And the pic i adore most..

US..illyyanis and islyana, d one i bonded most back in pri sch back in 1995, hehe miss ya woman!

THE END..

Achiness and tiredness is creeping back into my life..
Sleepless nites which resulted into the eyebags that is so obvious..
I feel like im at two places at the same time..
Sumtimes i feel like i got no time to breathe or hav my own space..
Or rather im complaining too much now..?
There are a few issues that is still upsetting me at the same time there are promising issues that get me all excited..sigh..

Anyways it was boring goin home alone today..Time like this i desperately need an MP3..
Yup i want one! anybody generous enuf..?

On an another note i realise, gradually my taste in music change..
A couple of years back it used to be groovy pumpy music,cool beats, hiphop is 'da thang', R&B gets me in d mood,poppish song is addictive,i listen wat pleases to my ears or rather wats in the top charts..

But now i realise its been ages ive tune in to the radio, n now i prefer to listen to mellow stuff and paid more attention to meaningful lyrics,sumthg that soothe my mind as i relax and unwind..These days, Damien Rice songs are on repeat mode yes i love his lyrics and his titles are alwiz unique..Then there's Erykah Badu her sultry voice alwiz ease my tension, Jem is a great band,basically i love listening to acoustic or soft rock or anythg wit chords..Oh yah im hook on indonesian songs too frm their ballads to indie to rock bands, their music is so diverse and tastefully done heh and their lyrics are poetic but at the same time keeping it real..
Dun get me wrong i still dig all kinds of music my itunes is loaded wit all kind of songs frm ray charles,to britney spears,to black eyed peas to madonna,to the likes of outcaste (*dun mistaken it wit outkast,outcaste is more kinda house music club sounds,cool beats indian influence)
I love music,i listen to wats gd and yes i still idolise Alicia Keys, Usher or anythg commercial (*note: A.Keys is commercial but still wit her own identity)..
but rite now those guitar chords strike most my attention..

Hmm..is this a sign im gettin old and mature..?n slowly i realise i prefer the finer and simpler things in life that i overlook..

Rite now all i want is for 'Love' to find its way to my heart again..no rush i say but i welcum it if it happens to juz come flooding in..how can u predict these things..?not wanting it yet dats wat we all said but dun we all alwiz assume things..

I juz realise alot of my frens are breaking up..is this a season of breaking up and feelin depress...?now hearing their plights makes me feel a whole lot tougher for myself but i dun deny dat his presence still lingers and as usual ive been missing him evry second of my heartbeat..Foolish u tell me but i know i still love him..

Gd morning to all, may tomoro brings better day to evryone =)

Temui Aku by Audy

Kau yg selalu bilang
aku yg lebih penting
aku cinta matimu..
kau tiba2 hilang
sudah berhari-hari apa kau dpt pesanku

Dan aku menunggu trus menunggu
hanya untuk memelukmu selamanya
trus berharap kau kan dtg
secepatnya...secepatnya

Reff.
* Temui aku ditempat biasa
jgn kau terlambat waktuku tak banyak
** aku tak akan bisa
bila kau tak dtg
semangatku hanya tinggal saat ini

Kau ku cintai karna
balas mencintaiku dan
kupercaya itu...

Dan aku menunggu trus menunggu
hanya untuk memelukmu selamanya
trus berharap kau kan dtg
secepatnya

____________________________________________________________________________________

Last weekend was tiring, gruelling hard work and painstakingly long hours but it was all worth it..
Despite some glitch evrythg went by smoothly..
Now only left one more day of filming after dat its off to post-production
Cant wait for the final edit =)

Yesterday, it made me realise that how sensitive and emotionally unstable we ladies can be..Many of my frens r suffering from it too..
Who's fault is it..?
Who is to blame..?
Why cant they hear our cries..?
Our plead..?
Is it so wrong to love..?

My dear Is, u take care yah you are not psychotic like you think you are..you are not alone im suffering from it too, dun be alone u do not want to..
We'll be here i promise =)

Yazif and Islyana i will not say it was a wonderful time yesterday since there was tears and all but what i will like to say is, it was definitely a touching moment when frens are there for each other when we want them to be.. Whatever we shared yesterday was sincere and definitely we will all be there for each other dun ever think we wont or we are a burden..Yesterday's 3 hours of heart-to-heart talk did me sum gd it made feel better since last few days i was on the verge of another breakdown..its taxing really..to feel sad and depress..
No matter how strong i appear to be,my weakness inside is eating me up and its so overwhelming..At times i feel its all not worth, but sensibilities came back to my senses then things seems to look stable for awhile..its never constant these days..
How i wish memories are not painful..

*in the meantime Baidah you will be missed, felt a pang of lost wen u told me u will be away for 2weeks..i will deal wit myself while you are gone but i sure will miss not talkin to u and sort ur comforting words as u do me vice versa..Baidah may u find peace and calm while you are thr, wish i cud cum wit u..sort your tots out and i can only hope wen u come back u will come back stronger wit the Baidah i used to know..

Im back frm Kuala Lumpur, last Monday..heh
My previous entry i left and said i will hav a splendid time..but wat i did not expect
that this trip was unlike all d previous trips i made to KL..

Despite all the things that happen during the trip, it wont be my last trip to KL,
It was an eventful short trip thr but definitely no regrets sum things were meaant to happen..
Therefore,since im still exhausted frm my vacation thr den dive back straight to my work as soon as i got back to Singapore, im goin to summarise my entry abt my trip thr and definitely beautiful photos that ive taken thr..
**This entry is also dedicated for those whose been askin me abt d trip and ive yet to response! been busy like hell!!!

From the lost(*Stolen) of passport of my dearie Elfy, to the dingy bus ride to Kuala Lumpur, shocking revelation of how taxis thr charge their fare witout meters,trip to the tourist police station to report abt d lost,lots of walking,bad transportation system(*monorail was delayed and we cant even buy tix to go to d platform to wait!how pathetic is dat!),rude taxi drivers(*wats up wit dem??they even pick their pax if they feel like they want too or not!!),trip to Spore Embassy den immigration in kl and yes we missed our bus home wen we actually waited 45mins earlier before departure time ,and sumhw those staff do not hav d decency to inform that d bus was waitin at another location in d end some of the passengers had to wait for more den 1 and half hour delay before they transfer us to another bus..haizzz

But hey its not all bad though! i mean wat do a person whos been deprive frm shopping for months does??! hehee yes yes i spend oopps correction i splurge!! In the midst of all those bad incidents shopping is definitely a therapy..sigh..dat is why i wont swear it'll be my last trip to Kl, and yes there are frenly people there la definitely and the staff at Grand Season has given excellent service assisting us wit handling d lost of Passport :),and me n elfy had our mini salon in our hotel room she coloring my hair haha it was fun thax babe!plus PLUS!! i went to a celebrity house thr (*elfy's godmother of sum sort) well shes a famous actress thr,was kinda awkward at first but dat lady warmth personality and a face that never aged made us feel very comfortable..thank you :)..ooH for 3 days and 2 nites we had tom yum galore thr!! esp d one sellin by d roadside near our hotel its a very small shop at a secluded corner but dammn they serve very wicked tom yum!!!

Sum wonderful pics to share didnt do much posing wit wat we were busy rushing here and thr ..hehe ..


maybe we shud go to milan or paris elfy to model for couture fashion..?hehe i see we got potential la..


View frm d hotel..No KLCC in sight but merely KL daily bustling city which is constantly on the move




How stylish is this..??! i want it custom made and send it to my house!!!its comfy too..


Of course we would not miss posing wit it =)

*Photo taken on the way home..feelin shack..








Definitely got to share this!! on our way home i was awe by wat i saw the stars in the sky was so magical and spectacular and it look so near!! okok d pic above i try to capture but u will see lots of tiny spots those r stars but i felt it doesnt do judgement so below is an image i got frm net so yes d stars i saw was like dat! blanket of glitters!! ok i noe i 'jakun' wat d hell i can count d stars here in d sky frm my window nuthin compare to wat i saw..sigh..and!!! i declare me ILLYYANIS HANAFI for the first time witness a shooting star!!!!!!heheh yup i did made a quick wish hahah

and finallly....


us lookin tired and cant wait to reach home though we wud love to stay longer in KL..

Elfy i enjoyed the trip despite sum hiccups!! esp d bonding session that we had! and a room to ourselves was definitely fun since how innovative we can be how we wreck th e room! Thax elfy for wonderful time!! since this trip was suppose to be wit sumone else 2months back but heh things change..

Weekend is here again..so yes hav a jolly gd time bcos dis weekend ill be werkin my ass off!

Will be on Hiatus for the weekend..

Have a pleasant weekend people.. =)

Till then i'll be unwinding for a much needed break after all the things that's been goin in my life..nowhere far but oh well, i know ill hav a splendid time :)

I did sumthg exciting today!! hahaa picking up scraps!! wit Yazif! never knew it cud be so much fun! thax for drivin ard to help sourcing for materials..!
I owe u bro, BIG TIME!

Just hope wit his help wat we plan to do will go on witout much glitches, i hav faith in ur skills!hehee and im so impress by it muahahaa,!!

Anyways bump into one of my ex in the train early afternoon while i was out wit mama and sis..hmmmm was quite surprised actually i did not notice him (*too engross reading the newpaper),my sis was d one who saw him..my sis nudge me and i almost scolded her wen i look up and saw the guy that 'salam' my mama and sis..damnn its been awhile and memories starts flooding in..

This guy i tot he was the 'one' five years ago..i nvr felt so intoxicated by any other guy before him, i was young and very naive back then (*oh im still naive tho)we got attach after almost 2 years knowing each other,n i alwiz knew it will never work..hmmm and i knew as well it was nvr easy to tame him..we had mutual feelings towards each other.. but i realise now dat he can nvr be the 'one' bcos he is juz not true to himself ..oh but my mama is still smitten by his charms! Just now he talks more to my mama anyways but merely ask TWO pathetic qns to me, haizz i dun noe why he likes to suck up to my mama, he even calls home to talk to my mama and not to me wats up wit dis guy??
i noe frm our last conversation few months back he did mention dat he has gut feelin dat we might be soul mates,urrghhh..i juz cant trust anythg that cums out frm his sexy lips!! as hot lookin as he is now,he is still d same casanova guy dat i knew!

My mama said hes nice and a charmer..!i flare up at dat n i wish i cud spit out wats on my mind at dat moment which was obviously unappropiate!! CHARMER MY ASS!!

Hahaha no worries, i dun hold grudges at him sumtimes im grateful to him..after him and sumthings dat we went thru i learnt alot and i dun regret dat..

In the meantime, im still emotionally attach to that guy who ive been missing every single day witout fail..Thax for the sms-es dat u sent,it meant alot and it made my day..u shud noe dat..

Oh by the way, the murder in tampines yesterday was really heart-wrenching.. What was he thinkin..perphaps his love for his family and canot bear leavin them any troouble drove him to kill all of them..?its juz sad and i was quite disturbed reading abt it ..oh until the ex was standing in front of me as real as he can get lookin smug..damn him..

What happens when 3 insanely individuals whos been frens for almost a decade meet up..??
Hahaa heaps of laughter and a jolly good time!!

LIS.ELFY.BAIDAH
They were reunited tonite for one of those rare meet ups. Its not easy trying to get the three of us together,its either elfy and me or baidah and me..But still our lurb lurb for each other is very deep deep hor!

Without noticing the past 2yrs or more we've been seeing less of each other, reasons being that we hav our own commitments and our own partner.. Now dat im single again hahaa and dateless most of the time,yup shame on me (*or rather us)ive been begging them to date me again juz like those days back then! Oh wat choice do i hav when im not busy wit work..??!

Ladies thax for tonite yah, you guys are my angels..truly!
Miss u babelicious ladies alot!!

Shall we make an oath together..? oh and promise that no matter how busy we are with our lives we shall make an attempt to meet up at least once in a week or two?? juz the three of us..can?



Those smiles says it all, no pretence or watsoever..juz us..loving each other's company..muakss muakks..(*flying kisses)




This was fun! taking photos as we rush,yup Elfy was pushing us to walk faster since shes alredy late meeting her bf who's waiting patiently at Paragon (*he's a senior trainer at the gym thr,the guy who manage to tame elfy's heart,haha my gdness!!)haizz,wish we cud hav spent more time together tau!!




Oh and we bump into Yaya or more like we intentionally bump into her(she works in paragon also la)!! haha miss her too! Lookin more radiant now den ever before (*read:blissfully in love) shes still d same her usual self! bubbly and all talkative,n really really like her loony self! crazy woman!



Oh finally, it wont be complete if thrs no photo of the three of us!!
Beautiful smiles. Three Beauties. 10 years. Friendship still goin on strong.. =)



Thank You.
I cherish you both..

Hmmm..i like the weather today, cool not too warm, rainy but drizzly,nice breeze
exactly how a Sunday shud be..
i prefer to stay home and be in d comfort of my room,hehe feelin homely today.

Oh im content wit relaxing at home today bcos i had a wonderful time yesterday! wonderful wit the capital 'W'!!

Met Elfy yesterday my other bestie,it was a much needed bonding for the both of us :)
Its been awhile both of us spend time with each other. So much to talk abt so much to catch up abt each other's life so much to fill in for juz dat meeting alone..sigh i miss our old days back then when we wud meet each other evry single day!

It was fun, frm the time i went over ur place to our journey towards town when we discuss abt the ongoin things in life and yes sweetie abt how MEN can be jerks and take us for granted sumtimes..haizz..

Hahaa but i enjoy my time shopping wit u!!it was awesome but then it has always been a blast shopping wit u!window shopping was never a bore wen i do it wit u! u juz make me feel excited over evry single things and we wud end up giggling like teenage girls!! Hahaa oh i cant believe it but although we mature we still nvr get used to crowds esp a crowd of guys!

Anyways cant wait for dat shopping trip of ours soon!if u know wat i mean!! we will splurge woman we will!!its been quite sumtime since ive done dat!




Elfy and me. Elfy is sumone strong, independant and mature despite her young age. Dun underestimate her, she and me we share a common bond unlike any other frens. Wat we went thru in life brought us closer to each other and no matter how far apart we'll be or d times that we've lost not seeing each other, we are constantly on each other's mind. She's like a sister to me. Shes like a family to me.



The shopping that she did, we went crazy over at Forever 21! hahaha dis woman sense of fashion is wicked! she dun dress to impress! n wit dat her flair for fashion cums out in her outfit,always known for her creative and stylish self! Ohh and inside that plastic bag is another paper bag which consist her sis bday gift, an adidas watch! and this women not sparing herself frm d guilt of spending too much do not want to be left out n buy herself d same watch but in different color!ill make sure ill buy d blue one!its a promise!hahaha we cud raid evry shop in orchard and end up still sane dats how i love my shopping trip wit u!

After meeting elfy, i drop by dee's place for her bbq,i was unfashionably late but yeah i had a good time there! After dee's frens left, a grp of us huddle together and juz hav a random chat, all of us cud talk abt anythg and laugh our heads off so bad my jaw hurts!!! and after they send me at d bustop and i took my cab hom apparently these ppl continue to chat at d bustop sittin on the stools dat they brought wit dem! how crazy is dat!!!and dat is after midnite ok!

Hehee ok i shall stop my blabbering here,i will like to describe evrythg evry single details dat happen yesterday here but then it'll be too lengthy..sigh..it was a splendid Saturday..

Hav a great week ahead :)

This maybe a little bit overdue..but then again its never to late to tell sumone that she is being Appreciated for being the Amazing person that she is..

Siti Nurbaidah..This is for you..



Thank you for being there for me when im in my utmost vulnerable state.. Therefore below is the lyrics of a song that i hav dedicate to you before. This time read them and those words are the exact words of how i feel for you.. I love u babes!


ANGEL by Beyonce feat Kelly Rowland


You were my best friend
and I love you
You were always there to love me,
when I didn't even love myself
You bring out the best in me
and I thank you
Thank you for my life
Thank you for your refreshing wisdom,
and your strength

My earthangel
Thank you I'm so gratefull,
For trusting me
And loving me
With you're love
Unconditionally

My earthangel
Thank you I'm so gratefull
For trusting me
And loving me
With you're love
Unconditionally

You are my messenger,
from heaven
No matter how unhappy I become
You always try a way,
to make me smile
And I admire you,
for you're pure heart
You always giving all of you,
to everyone arround you
When I praying we never part

My earthangel
Thank you I'm so gratefull,
For trusting me
And loving me
With you're love
Unconditionally

My earthangel
Thank you I'm so gratefull
For trusting me
And loving me
With you're love
Unconditionally

And if you wasn't for you
And if I didn't know you
And if you never reached me
And if you didn't teach me

I wouldn't be, who I am right now
I wouldn't give, what I give right now
I wouldn't think, what I think right now
I'm thanking you, Im thanking you

My earthangel
Thank you I'm so gratefull,
For trusting me
And loving me
With you're love
Unconditionally

My earthangel
Thank you I'm so gratefull
For trusting me
And loving me
With you're love
Unconditionally


Anyways, thank you again for making me feel all the better again and entertaining my crazy request on photo taking spree on dat fateful day! Admit it woman you enjoy it too!

With you i drink away all my sorrow and sadness(wit non-alcoholic) and thax for treating me wit d sinfully delicious but yet cheap ice-cream!!hahaa nah ih i aint complainin

Let the pictures below be a withness how u were my angel for that day :)













With disregard to what happen that day, i believe i had a good time wit u..
Thank you again and remember wat you did for me i will do d same without hesitation..
I'll be thr for u too wen u need me :)

As i was takin my nap for a while, i had a wonderful dream n wen i woke up realisation hit me, i wish it happen in reality..

His kiss it was so vivid it felt so real and i remembered clearly when we kiss i had tears of joy in my eyes.It really feels the love that i had contain for him came flooding out in that kiss.
and i never want it to end..

As hard as im trying to live on and keep him out of my mind wit my hectic schedule, i missed him deeply..so bad..

Oh how i wish it was real.. :(

Its too good to be true..!
Everythg is smooth sailing for now,its like we hit the jackpot!
And feels that god is too kind for us that luck has been constantly on our side these days!!

Im so pysch!!
I hope it will be this good all the way to the end..!
Im still reeling from shock..hahaa and havin a smug look on my face..
I hav faith in wat we are setting out to do
I juz hope we dun get carried away and get it all up in our heads!!

**Anyways here is last sat pics,sum of it anyways :)
Thank you again diyar and kin! it was pleasant meeting dijah and ling!
It was fun fun fun and laughter laughter laughter all the way!!
Next up HITCH!







Ok dats all for now, got loads of work waitin for me to complete..
hehehee..people expect luck wen u least expect it!!
Toots!!

*Baidah will dedicate my next entry to u,i think u shud noe y!!been dying to upload those pics!!hehee ,will edit d pics soon!after i clear sum of my werk load!promise!!
muaaksss..lurb u woman!