*To her:
Trust me evrything happen for a reason. I hate seeing you in this condition.
I hate not being able to soothe u as much. I hate that im lost for words, said evrything i wanted to but it wasnt exactly wat u wanted to hear.
I hate not being able to do sumthg to ease ur fears, ur burden, ur guilt.
I hate that i hav been quite hard on you juz bcos i want to make you realise that you can do it. I hate it when i see you cry so much and i feel all helpless again.
I hate it too when i had cry with you after i've seen you inconsolable. I hate it when u see me cry,when i do not want you too..

Listen,this is what friendship has done to us, i feel your pain more than anything. I will do anything..anything..that will rid off all your problems. I tried to be there for you, be as much comfort to you and make you all the better.

I'm sorry i failed.

And i hate that person who had cause you all these.
I hate him.
I loathe him.
For doing this to you.
May he rot in hell.

And i want to aplogise that i did not mean to slap you, i juz want you to wake up and realise that im here,shes here, and they r here for u..by the time this is written u shud hav known..

I promise no one can ever damage ur heart again.
I got your back.

I love you..u can trust me i wont crush ur heart.
Never. Take my word for it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rajan and me had a conversation in the train on our way home. Very interesting i might add. He told me that he observes that girls nowadays are gettin wilder.
So i asked him what he meant by that? And he said that a few nites back when he went clubbin wit his collegues (*most are ladies and most r malays (no offence)),that they got so drunk and high that he saw them french kissing in front of him,oh both r ladies and apparently best frens, and thrs another who goes around gettin touchy not only wit men but also women...now rajan is not all disgusted by this, but just cant believe to the extent these women can show their affections..heh..which he adds by saying 'no wonder thrs lesbian tendency in evry women'..hah! i cud not disagree wit him bcos he rebutted back by saying 'oh lis pls,u look at women and notice how sexy or beautiful their body is, we guys dun do dat to other men unless they r gays la' so i shut up at that..heh..and for the record!im straight to the core! but u know i believe some woman do deserve compliments and im entitled to any opinion i make,im a fair person i look at both beautiful men and women..so whats wrong with oogling at woman once in awhile..??

Anyways this conversation led to another thing,rajan asked me that i can be such a goody two shoes, bcos i dun drink(*alcohol) and all,bcos he sees that most malay girls he knows drinks and he sumtimes wonder how long i can hold on..its sad that due to these wild ladies, ppl like me is deem as goody and boring (oh rajan dun literally said dat im boring in fact im one of d craziest woman he knew..heh),i juz like to be upfront that i dun drink or smoke, i hate when there are ppl who tried to lure me to drink that is so disrespectful..and i see dem as 'fakes' those muslims who drinks juz to impress, ok its not even my life to bother but they act like a bitch as if 'they are all that',sigh..i cant say im perfect ive done my fair share if sins but it nvr cross my mind to drink or pick up smoking not bcos i cant but bcos i dun want too..dun ask me why but i suppose at the end of the day my strongest reason will be due to my faith in my religion..Most of my frens in sch are non-muslims and yes sumtimes its quite hard bcos i'll be d odd one out,tho i wont be d only muslim..heh

Therefore rajan..yeps,i'll juz stick to my orange juice again whenever we go out clubbing or lounging..i believe its for the better, so while u and the others get tipsy at least ill stay sober and be a mother hen so that u guys get home safely..hah! tho u guys r so adamant that no matter how much u drank you'll nvr get drunk..yeah rite!

**no harm done to anyone if ive said things that make u felt d pinch..heh honest juz my two cents worth of opinion.. =)..u hav urs too..
++++++++++++++++++

Hahaha i hav a feelin that those who read this entry gav up half way, its lengthy..heh

heres a pic after another badminton match wit my childhood frens
obviously its another match of more laughters then shuttlecock flying around:



+++++++++++++++++++
*To him:
Heh it feels good to be on talkin terms wit u..we talk frequently now..its like knowin each other all over again..sigh..i miss him still..but..im not as psychotic as i was,and yes he predicted rite..frm one of his sms when i was really down he said "u r a strong gal.i know u"..yes indeed he knows me..at dis point of time i just want to maintain this relationship of ours this way..if love blooms again,i will know if it doesnt i will hav let it go by then =)

oh btw here's to our song that is playin and esp my fav verse frm me to u,
i nvr regret wat we had and still i wanna thank u and i nvr despise wat eventually happen..

So I want to thank you,
I can't thank you enough,
For showing me the meaning,
The meaning of true love,
(When I was lost and so in need you opened up your heart)
(When I needed you to comfort me you opened up you arms)
(I couldn't face another day you said don't be afraid)
You showed my heart the, showed me the way
- Boyz II Men (The colors of Love)