Surviving 24 hours without sleeping can really turned you into a grouchy person.
Started my Friday very early in the morning with gruelling filming session, returned to the office to get tapes and made a dash to syed alwi road. Our program's post production base. Then another filming was scheduled later in the evening (more about this one later) after which we came back to syed alwi road. The whole production team camped the night to package our first program which will tx tomorrow.

Though save for the editors, the rest headed home this morning before we all will meet again later to complete the first episode. It was crazy but then it was fun as we kept amusing each other with stupid jokes the entire night to keep the adrenalin running. Mellowed down in the wee hours as Zulina and myself decided to have Big breakfast. Pure happiness I tell you especially since Ramadan is around the corner. Talked about romance flicks as ate, what was interesting about this conversation was our editor who is a male is a fan of the genre. Now this is not common for a man. Ha ha, his girlfriend is lucky.

Drove home with eyes which can barely opened but Kak Lini is the sweetest thing this morning when she played a song which we requested her to play on air, heh yes we play cheat. Then again, her chirpy voice saves myself from crashing into anything hehe. Maybe I was grumpy but traffic was insane earlier with bad drivers on the road. It doesnt help that Zulina and myself were at boiling points. All sorts of vulgarities was spurred like nobody's business. You name it we said it. %$#@/&!!!!

And now here I am on my bed, surprise that I only slept for 2 hours, contemplating still if I should make mama's day to bring her down to JB but today is not a day to endure the jam at the causeway since I have to rush back to syed alwi rd later on. Part of me hate to break her heart although mama have been so understanding that I was away all night but it doesn't make it any better when today is her birthday. Thank god, I managed to get her gift when I went out with my dark knight last thursday which started out not good because i was somehow a bad date , i feel so shitty to know that my dark knight was frustrated when I am still working while watching movie that he had to grab my mobile away from me. As much as he was frustrated, I know I adore him so much for understanding my position. He comforts me by saying I need to give myself a break sometimes but gave in to me as he lets me settle my urgent matters by making phone calls as he looked on quietly so that we can enjoy our dinner peacefully. I could not help by apologising to him profusely but he moved me by simply saying he understands. You never know how much that means to me when he said that. Sigh.. did i mention before that compromising rocks!! Anyways so much for digressing but well mama's gift is still lying in my car's boot unwrapped. Just because I want to make this proper, I want to purchase a very nice looking wrapper. I know I am anal about giving gifts. Maybe I can squeeze a bit of time later to get her flowers to go with it.

Disclaimer: Due to not much sleep, I am impress I can still blog but don't mind my atrocious grammer or if it doesn't make any sense to you. Heh ok Kak Lini might hyperventilate, haha hey I miss you ok!! Ok digress again, Kak lini dinner leyyyy?!

I always tell my friends you tell him what you feel. And they will always say they will never have the courage to do what I did. To me it wasn't so much about the courage, it was about knowing your prerogative.

So I had professed my love to someone before. You name it. I wrote him emails, on the phone, smses, upfront and even hinted it in my blog. I may sound like a loose woman but of course I did it with my pride and dignity in tact. And one of the reason which this guy will always be fond of me was my bluntness. It amuses him each time. I wonder now that I might have been too bold for him all the while although he had known he had never acknowledge it.

In a peculiar way I have no shame or regret in doing what I did. I followed my heart assuming what it could have been. The only regret that I have was to know he never gave it a chance and was undecided in so many ways. The main reason I figured was he haven't really gotten over his last relationship.

Then again on the irony side due to this incident, it makes me more leery how I should open up to people.

Amazingly, I got into my current relationship without going through the 'i-fall-head-over-heels-for-you' kinda thing and there was no dramatic 'i-need-to-confess-how-i-feel-towards-you' kinda thing either.

It was more like adapting to each other slowly and we have not even mention once to each other the big L-O-V-E. I haven't gotten paranoid just in case you are wondering, heh. In more ways then one I am liking how this is progressing. You must be thinking "honeymoon period mah" but hey! I should be allowed to have that entitlement like every new relationship shouldnt I?

What I am trying to say is, every relationship brings you a different experience and this one happens naturally. Getting to know this person everyday is a new discovery that well we might without knowing are in fact falling head over heels for each other.

You know I took the quote "each failed relationship brings you closer to finding an everlasting relationship" by heart. Honestly, I am clueless about the future of my current relationship with this man but I know and hope it will be for the best.

My dark knight might cringe when he read this (if he reads that is) but for someone who never express his feelings verbally showed me in so many ways that you don't need words to convey what you really feel all the time. I am learning well and good. Compromising rocks I tell you!

Though I do hope someday, verbally would be nice hear too sometimes. hehe

Pardon me, of late I have been relating sappy stuffs. You can't blame someone who is basking in some kind of nirvana.

Maybe I haven't said this before but it feels easier to say it here.
Your existence is affecting my present state of mind.
Happiness is one thing but it doesn't mean I have stopped having bad days.
I still do.
The difference is having you around these days makes it manageable.
A single phone call from you and a smile formed on my lips.
A warm cuddle with you and I feel better.
For that, you deserve my thank yous :)

+++++++++

p/s: in order to feel sleepy i resorted to pen down my thoughts. Easily appeased and accomplished it is better then counting sheep (private joke). I don't why I need to justify to the dark knight just in case he nags that I shouldn't be sleeping late.

So this week is going to be crazy for 7 days straight, as much as it is I also cant deny how cute and adorable the kids were with their silly antics. The kids and my team will be celebrating Aidilfitri earlier this Saturday, but with the other parent programme VTR Recording on Friday.

It is still amazing how everyone at work is still up and about on our toes.

I am very much jittery about Saturday due to various reasons to which I will share another time. After I have overcome it that is..

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*Fireworks on National day wasn't really spectacular but what makes the day special was my dark knight willingness to watch it with me despite knowing fireworks ain't his thing. Even to the extent of suggesting going up to Mount Faber. At it's peak we waited with bated breath (ok more like I did) along with a tub of ice cream. A moment like this makes its another memory in the making of simple pleasures I have missed out for quite awhile now. Can't wait for what else is in store :)

The last weekend had been hard on me, I was left with no choice but to stay cooped up in my room all along.

Even when my dark knight called from work and ask what am I doing, for 2 days straight I had to remind him I have decided to go on strike and stay put at home just because I could not accept the fact that I was not able to attend Singfest. My heart banyak pain ok..

3 days have gone by and I feel slightly better..sigh..

Nevertheless life still has to go on. Heh.

By the way just in case Rozi or Farah might wonder, I wanted very much to share the surprise which they did for my birthday, it was by far the most surprising indeed for this year. But the thing is our dear Kak Mas apparently did not include the birthday photos into the dvd which I requested from her.

So instead, I feel like sharing other random photos taken last year and also recently. Entah macam mana my celebration paling significant up to date was not inside the dvd, haiz tak boleh harap betol hehe.

Since this is from Kak Mas archive collection, please do not be taken aback if you see plenty of her photos. You guys I am sure by now knows how much she loves to camwhore. There were a lot more but these were the few which I terlarat nak share with all.



And also don't worry I will make sure I bug Kak Mas for my birthday surprise photos. That one deserves a special entry. The One which will make me smile if I were to read this journal of mine 10 years from now. Insyallah. :)

Surizah the gift you gave was a huge mistake! Because it is currently my favourite mules!
Raihan you too big mistake! The mug let me indulge with vast amount of caffeine which I deperately need! Plus I like showing off the mug too..hahaa

Catching up with two teachers left my brain stimulating with intellectual thoughts. I had so much fun and this made me realised how much I had miss the both of you on separate accounts :)



It brings me joy we could simply click just like that. I apologize for not being punctual but I thank you guys for forgiving me and yet sweet enough to celebrate my special day as well as Surizah's.

Surizah I owe you one and Raihan yours is just around the corner. I expect another round soon :)


Love!

"Our days are so crowded
and our hours so few
There's so little time and so much to do
That the days fly by
and are over and done
Before we have even half begun
To do the things that we mean to do
But never have time to carry through
And how nice it would be
if we stopped to say
The things we feel
in our hearts each day"

A verse by Helen Steiner Rice, this is what was printed on the card presented by my beautiful ladies. The apt verse carries a lot of weight till it brought me to tears. The surprise was unexpected and let me assure you there is no need to plan another one :)

My 24th have been nuthing but meaningful with warm people like you whom I have come to love and cherish for 11 years and counting.

Once again ladies, from the bottom of my heart I thank you for this rare moment of just you and you and me. Baidah, this entry is already a few weeks old but just like what you said in the card better late then never ;)