Gd Morning..

My heart feels heavy, yet so empty..
Longing for something that is still out of reach..

I don't know if the anticipation tonite is a merry one..?
Or shud i dread to know the answer..?

Cant tell frm the way he spoke just now..
Still very vague..
But hearing his soothing voice i shall take it like a dose of medication
To let me live thru another day..
The hollow im feeling inside is so endless..
I'm trying to reach for that soul of mine, innocent, spirited, determined, and carefree..
It used to be there..i dun noe where i left it..

All the lovely people around me, has been adorable and understanding..
They tug my heart to know that love has not really died..
But it is still inconsolable..it is not sufficient for me..
What do i really want..?

When all laughters had died and i am here in my room
I fall into the dark spiral again,i shud not but i did..

This morning i woke up,tryin so hard to shut my eyes
i dun feel like waking up with a heavy heart and a longing feeling..
As my eyes close i was imagining myself at the doorstep and someone just shot me
all over and piercing thru my heart a bullet was all i want as i surrender myself..
Its better that way,so that i will be immune to all feelings..

Dun worry its nothing sucidal..i just want to make myself feel numb

->->My entries these days has been somber, sickening, pathetic, desperate and so much of love innuendos..I write wat i feel is honest abt how im feelin now not even how i wud describe to my closest fren..Oh well,im such a love sick person, too much emotional tanglement for my own gd..

Tonite it will be..

Gd day to all kind souls out there :)