Kak Mas was sharing with me the latest single by Leona Lewis. I never thought it would strike a chord in me.

Nursing a broken heart was an excruciating task. Even after 4 years of remaining single without any other serious relationship in between I have to admit there is no other man who had made an impact in my life like he did.

And 4 years on he was recently happily married. Strange isnt't it?

I was feeling mortified how can he be the one who get to reach the altar (in this case the dais) first before me. Then again it was just me being selfish.

I took a long long time to get over him. You know the first stage after breaking up was how everything, everywhere you go it reminded you of him. This was the hardest. Then it was followed waiting painstakingly by the phone hoping he changed his mind and come back to you. That never happened.

The recuperation starts how I begin to feel all angst towards relationships. Like men are hopeless beings, never to be trusted because all they do is cheat our feelings and bla bla bla.. To be honest, all of the above wasn't true at all. I was in denial.

Most people think they are healing when they meet someone new but truth be told I knew I was healing when I was laughing much more like myself again when I am around my friends. He was no longer constantly in my mind 24/7 and my energy were all dedicated to solely my work, instead of being resentful as to why I had to resort to working hard to forget him, I felt satisfaction in me that I love my time spent working.

Then comes the day, when I start feeling coy all over again around men. Flirting around seems like a fun activity to do in ages! I feel good going on dates knowing I do not feel guilty as if I was cheating my feelings with someone.

As cliche as this may sound, I am a survivor. A victim of a broken heart and I did got better in time. I didn't know how but I did eventually. Although sometimes I do reminisce the past and how looking at his wedding photos affected me some way some how, I am sincerely glad that this man who once used to mean a lot to me found his happiness.

I got to meet him (i didn't know it was for the last time) without knowing that he was about to get hitched in a few weeks time. The understanding of our fondness together will always be there. I do feel sore that he hid from me the exact day when he was getting married but I know it no longer matters.

The purpose of this entry is to inform Mr LMT that you will get better in time (I refer to our last night conversation). I am telling you this here because this is the only other place I can communicate decently without you debating with me. I took more then 4 years and along the way it was a blessing for me to meet an amazing man like you. I can say this without being bashful that you are one of the causes which got me better in time. Albeit, there was another disappointment with you, I guess it is due time we both know it will never happen because just like you said some men are still unsure if there is someone else out there. Coax yourself out, explore, maybe that someone else is waiting for you..

This song brought me back to the times I was fighting hard to bring me back my sanity, myself. And today, let me share with those of you are going through this tough period. It will get better in time.

And as Carrie Bradshaw would say

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

Though currently, through a friend I got to know someone wonderful. It all gets exciting from here onwards. I don't know what is going to happen but rest assured whatever it is, my blog is a place I tell/share. It may seem I do not blog as frequently as I used to but when I have the time I will ;)

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It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time